Greentree30 Asked December 2018

Mother (78) acting childlike (non-stop hyperness, talking and questioning) and I feel guilty for feeling angry and irritated. How to cope?

Today on the bus was a mentally exhausting exercise. I take her from the house to the bus stop, constantly “oh my feet hurt! Oh I’m cold! Oh I’m tired” moan moan moan.

Then we get on the bus. 5 minutes in. “Are we there yet? Why is this taking so long? Where are we now?” Another 5 minutes later “Are we there now? Where are we now?” And this goes on until we get to our location.

When we get to our location it doesn’t stop, shopping is stressful. And then we have to take the bus back.

This is a small example but sometimes it feels like carting a toddler around and I get so mentally exhausted that I can barely answer her questions. I just sit there numb and unable to think straight. All the while she is still going on and on and getting annoyed when I don’t answer.

ALSO: in shops, sometimes I’m so exhausted that I can be a bit snappy in my answers because I have put up with it all day. Sometimes shop staff give me looks like “be nicer to this elderly lady” and I get SO angry.

How do I cope? I feel bad but I can’t help it. I sit in the toilet for a few moments to myself to think straight.

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I notice my aunt speeds up the nervous chatter when she has an appointment. The worst is from when she finds out she has one until she gets in the car. So I don’t tell her until all we have to do is get in the car. Then for about 15 min the novelty of being out entertains her. But she will start asking over again and again where we are going and why. She’ll remind me that she feels good, no need to go. (She always feels good. The James Brown song could be her theme.) I know she’s just nervous. It’s easier for me because we aren’t on a bus but it would be the same thing. She would be fascinated with the other passengers, insist she knows them. Etc.
We now give her 1/2 anxiety pill and it really helps. She actually seems to enjoy the whole outing then. You might ask her doctor about it. Since you are on a bus I think I would try it at home first. Take a walk with her and see how she does.
Heres another tip.
You take the other half of the pill.

Helpful Answer (29)

Perfect😀

(2)

Does she always expect a reply, or is it mostly just non stop chatter? Something that saved my sanity when doing child care was foam earplugs - seriously. You can still hear, it's just at a lower volume and easier to ignore.

Helpful Answer (12)

Love earplugs idea! Earplugs + xanex=😀

(8)

My dad does that as well, he constantly asks questions, most of them are just the same question over and over within seconds of each other. He talks a lot and most of it is nonsense. But he also says some very uncomfortable things that make me want to tell him to just “stop taking already!!” For example, my uncle (his brother) was visiting. He didn’t know who either of us were at the time and he kept talking about how we should get married to each other.

It’s human to get irritated. Parents get annoyed with their children when they do that, but it’s much more difficult when it’s your parent who is an adult. It gets frustrating, but it’s also awkward, which makes it worse.

Helpful Answer (9)

My 92 year old dad does this also. I find my patience level getting worse and worse. Saturday afternoon's totally exhaust me. I feel like I'm working with a toddler. I just have to take this one day at a time.

(4)

At first, when our mother would start this, it was like fingernails on a chalkboard, and I felt like it was driving me mad. I'm getting better at dealing with it, though I still have my bad days. I think of it as Mom asking the question for the very first time, so I just answer. That is often very helpful for me. I also am very slowly figuring out (and it's not an exact science) which questions I should respond to, and which ones I don't. Sometimes she's just talking out loud, as if she's trying to figure things out. The other responders are right. There's no right or wrong here, as long as you don't hurt yourself.

Helpful Answer (7)

I am grateful that my elderly "toddler" is a very quiet one, though she is really good at the evil eye. That all changes when she gets a UTI......non-stop, loud talking. One day we spent 4 hours in the ER waiting room. It was school vacation in New Hampshire, and there were some kids waiting from ski accidents. It was icy, and there'd been falls. It was flu season, and many were there for that. After awhile my aunt began loudly asking "Well, what are we waiting for?" "NOW what are we waiting for?" Luckily I was still calm, though tired, and not embarrassed. I said loud enough for her to hear, things like, we're waiting for your blood tests, lots of people are sicker than us, everyone here is waiting, etc. She got lots of smiles and nods. She also got taken and treated sooner.

By the way, I stopped taking her shopping early on.

Helpful Answer (7)

LOL at 97's response but heh, it may help.

You have nothing on your profile concerning Moms health? Please fill it in and something about you. Makes it easier when u have multiple post to have profile info to refer to.

How old is Mom. Does she have Dementia? If she does, this will cause the constant talking like a 2 yr old. And since reasoning is the first ability they lose, you probably won't get her to stop. Like a toddler, I didn't pay attention. I think they just talk and say whatever comes into their mind. Just a yes, hmmm, every so often may help.

Helpful Answer (6)

I hope you are able to take care of yourself, first. As caregivers, we get so burned out by only taking care of others. My health began to suffer from the stress of caregiving. I attend a caregiver support group, taking tai chi, and this online blog - it helps to know others who understand what we're going through.

Helpful Answer (6)

That sounds good. I love the friends here, but I too need to join a class near me. ✌

(2)

First have the doctors review her meds! So often the elderly have negative psychological reactions to different medications and/or combinations of meds.
Secondly...all I can do is virtually wrap my arms around you!! Over the past few years my mom’s (81) paranoia has gone thru the roof. She recently fell and fractured a lower lumbar vertebrae and I have been constant caregiver. I sometimes feel like I’m losing my mind and find myself yelling at her like a child. I am grateful to have a separate area of the house to escape to for a few hours.
Medications can often have an adverse effect, but my mom finds some relief with a low dose of Xanax sometimes.

Helpful Answer (6)

Maybe we're the one's who should take the Xanax LOL. Although I can't swallow pills. Probably a good thing:-)

(2)

GreenTree, I know it’s difficult to hear them repeating all the time. Many times I’d have to act like that was the first time I’d heard it. I like the idea of either giving her an iPod or something similar with her favorite music and earbuds. Or you do the same for you. Also, consider going shopping alone!! Partially for the break and respite that your mind and soul needs from caregiving. Find someone to come in and be with mom...and don’t let her say she doesn’t want a stranger...it’s not her call. Just like when you were a child and she would have a sitter come be with you. Roles are reversed now. And yes, if you would, fill out your profile so we know what is your mom's diagnosis etc.. it is helpful to us who respond. Find ways to get care for her so you can take much needed breaks.

Helpful Answer (6)

My father used to do that, and my mother is like a bull in a china shop, no patience whatsoever, so I took over...perhaps can you have an visiting aide sit with her for awhile while you get things done and run errands? My father was like "A kid in a candy store" at 79....and I wish he was still here for that kind of "Chatter"...surely I didn't understand a word he was saying with his dementia but I would give anything to hear his voice again.

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Mother (78) acting childlike (non-stop hyperness, talking and questioning) and I feel guilty for feeling angry and irritated. How to cope?

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