My husband of 50 years has dementia. He has a daughter and 2 grandaughters who live within 5 miles of us and they NEVER visit. Any advice?

That’s great advice and I will work on it. Thank you!!

For your emotional and physical health I hope you can let go of the resentment over wanting people to be different or do something different than they are. I have relatives who will not involve themselves in our dad’s care, and I’ve learned the only one hurt being upset over it is me. They happily go on with their lives. Let it go, you’ll feel better. As for the will, do as you please, if you want to honor your faithful sister that’s great. A will shouldn’t be used like a weapon, but it’s perfectly fair to honor those who’ve been good to us in our lives

I think it is worth changing your will. It's not 'our will'. It sounds as though DH is no longer competent to change his own will, but probably if DH dies first then you will inherit from him. At a minimum, you should certainly be including your sister in your own will. She has also known your husband for a long time, treats him as family, and has been a rock in terms of helping. For you, you have known her for ever, she is family, and she is very very important to you. Most of us expect to leave our estate to our children, not our siblings, but in this case there is every reason to treat her in terms of what she means to you. The only question is whether you leave anything substantial to DH's daughter and grandchildren. DH's previous intentions were made at a different time when he had no idea that this situation was going to arise.

It is worth at least thinking about telling your husband's daughter and grandchildren that you intend to do this. It isn't nice to think that their behaviour could change because of the money. However what's happening now isn't nice either. The most charitable way to look at it may be that they have not really thought about their own responsibilities, because they know that you are coping so well. You want them to think again, and this might be the only way to make it happen.

You have my sympathy. I am going through similar issues myself with a difficult daughter.

It's understandable why you would resent his family for not visiting but you can't make people do something they don't want to do and stressing yourself out over it only hurts you. People do things or don't do things that upset us and we react. We spend energy and emotion on being angry or resentful and we're the ones who get hurt as a result.

Your husband's daughter and grandchildren don't visit. There's nothing you can do about that. Try to let it go. Every morning make a decision that for that day you will not be angry or resentful. If you find yourself feeling angry throughout the day do something nice for your husband instead.

We can't control other people's behavior and when we try it makes us crazy. Try to let it go. Work on letting it go and don't allow it to take a toll on your life.