Any tips on how to get Mother to attend an adult day center?

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MumsHelper Asked January 2019

Any tips on how to get Mother to attend an adult day center?

Mother is 80 and a widow for 17 years. For the past 18 months my family and I have been taking care of her 24/7 in our home some 600 miles from her home in another state. I try to take her back to her home every few months for about a month or so to check on her house and take her to doctor appointments. Anyhow, I would like to take her to a senior citizens center so that she can engage with adults her age, but in the past she has been adamant that she is not interested, because, "All they do is ask questions and want to know your business."

I've explained, "That's how people get to know one another and become friends."

I think she needs socialization with other people besides me because, honestly, we don't really have much to say to one another when we're together, or if we do, it's about the weather, or something equally superficial.

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score 0 · Answer 1

I've thought about going with her and easing her into it. That might be a more effective approach with her since she tends to be snarky and passive aggressive sometimes.

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score 1 · Answer 2

Has your mother actually tried a senior citizens centre? What experience is she basing her comments on? Perhaps you could try to find a centre or a session which is activity-based, not just people sitting and talking (and asking questions). Could you go with her a couple of times, to make her feel more comfortable. Would it work better if you said that it would be helpful for you so that you could have some free time without being concerned about her? My mother was much more willing to do something for someone else, than to do something that was going to be 'good for her'. We had to frame everything so that it was her doing a favour for us - it might work for you too.

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She tried one several years ago that is where she based her opinion about nosey people. The best approach probably would be to go with her a few times and see what it's like.
Mother sounds the opposite of your mom. She really isn't concerned about pleasing others. When she was in the nursing home for rehab she didn't want to participate in any activities or socialize. She was actually kinda mean and a sweet old lady got hurt feelings.
I think I could have her think she is going with me rather than the other way around. Lol.

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score 3 · Answer 3

If Mom is happy with things the way they are, don’t force her to be social. I remember my aunt said the people at the Senior Center they went to were mostly nice, but she said 90% of the “old ladies” were there to try to snag a husband. My mother was never social. She enjoyed sitting in her apartment lobby and talking with the other senior ladies but that was it. Mom was always more liable to try something new if I went with her.

Tell your mom if she changes her mind, you’d be glad to take her. But if she’s satisfied at home, just let it be.

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Any tips on how to get Mother to attend an adult day center?

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