Mom (84) has lived with us for five years. I’m burnt out, need a break. She’s going to family for a month but she makes me feel bad for it.

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DeanneMarie Asked January 2019

Mom (84) has lived with us for five years. I’m burnt out, need a break. She’s going to family for a month but she makes me feel bad for it.

It’s been very hard on me, she chooses not to be involved in anything outside the home, she gives me much aditude, I suffer from multiple health problems. I try not to let her know because all I will hear is are you ok, what can I do and it gets me upset inside. She doesn’t want to go to family and I’ve tried to tell her it will be good for us to take a break. Then it reverses, oh so you want me out, she does the negative card. She’s nasty with me and expects so much, what can I do? She will be going to family in four weeks.

Burnout Family Caregiver Mom

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score 2 · Answer 1

Can you turn it around so she thinks they want her to come, not so much that you want her gone? It's an exciting trip mom,, they can't wait to see you! My mom and aunt went to visit my cousin in Tx last year for 6 blessed weeks.. Hubs and I got to regroup, and were actually glad and happy again when they got back. Even a small break lets you "reset" a bit. Good luck!

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score 1 · Answer 2

Don't buy into the guilt card! Guilt means you've done something wrong. What, exactly, are you doing 'wrong' here? NOTHING. In fact, I think you should appeal to the rest of the family to take turns with mother. You having her 24/7 365 is TOO MUCH. Especially since she gives you such a hard time & expects too much! If she's like my mother, no matter WHAT you do it's never 'enough' anyway, so what's the point?

Best of luck!!!!

Helpful Answer (1)

Thankyou very much ,I have three brothers and only one is healthy enough to take her,my plan is she will be flying with that one brother to where he lives for a minimum of four weeks,I just can’t go this long anymore without a break,it’s proven to be putting too much of my life on hold,Thankyou,

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score 4 · Answer 3

What you can do is follow through, whether she likes it or not. You have to, for your own health and sanity. Many caregivers die before their loved one. You have a good plan, and have been a loving daughter to care for her.

Helpful Answer (4)

Thankyou for the very kind words, and yes she is going, this has affected my own health problems to a tee,

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Mom (84) has lived with us for five years. I’m burnt out, need a break. She’s going to family for a month but she makes me feel bad for it.

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