My functioning alcoholic sister and her daughter (now 19) moved in with my mother six years ago. Going against all common sense, medical advice and ethics, my sister has been providing my mother with alcohol which I believe has caused numerous health issues and several falls.
My sister insists my mom begs her and she just can't say no. It's a stereotypical enabling relationship.
Mom is currently in a rehab for broken ribs and elbow due to a fall. She THRIVES in facilities because she is well taken care of and not drinking.
Last year I attempted to bring Mom to live with me but she wasn't interested and her doctor said she is of sound mind so I can't force her.
I'm flying down next week to visit and would like advice on what I can say to my sister to scare her straight. I don't really want to call elder abuse but I will if I have to. My sister also has a temper and I'm concerned she'll take any probing out on my mother.
Are there any agencies I can call or even pay to help monitor my mother?
Wish I could fix them all!!!!
2 Answers
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Have lived with alcoholic parents when I was young I learned that it is up to them to get clean. You can not stop them from drinking. The old saying, "They have to hit rock bottom" is very true. It also sounds like your sister and mom have a co-dependant relationship going on. If that is the fact, it is my experience that is a relationship that you can not come between. They will fight to stay with eachother! In fact, again based on my experience, if they feel you are a threat to that relationship they will gang up on you!
I must ask, "why do you feel the need to fix them?" This question may seem obvious, but I a sure you it's not! Your first answer will be because you love them. Which is true. Your second answer will probably be you want mom to have a better life. Again true! But you also have a driving motive that you are probably not aware of! I asked because I lived with what you are now facing. I am not saying your heart isn't in the right place! I am asking you, why do ypu feel that you have to "fix them all?"
We have no control what other people say or do. We can only control our reaction to it!
I do wish you the best of luck. And I hope your mom stops drinking!
Hugs
I do know I can't fix anyone, but sometimes it's good to hear it from an objective person.
Warm wishes,
M
Most of these facilities have social workers. Call now while Mom is still there and share your concerns with them. Once she’s discharged, their responsibility for her is over.
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