My Mom has lived with me for over ten years. She's was originally diagnosed with Dementia but recently she scored better on a test and the current diagnosis is mild cognitive impairment. She has fallen numerous times and gives me a hard time about using a walker and or cane. A fall in August left her with a broken shoulder and a broken wrist. Since she was not able to feed, dress or bathe herself we place her in a board and care while she recovered.
I brought her home around Thanksgiving to live with me again and in the course of one week she put a paper plate in the toaster oven which almost caught on fire. She fell when getting out of bed and hurt her back. Two days later she took some pain pills (which I didn't know she had and now have combed through the house to remove all dangerous meds). She aspirated and wound up with pneumonia. She stayed a few days at the hospital and the Drs told me I could no longer leave her alone. I found what I thought was a beautiful board and care with 35 rooms, activities and fantastic staff. She hates it there and doesn't understand why I won't give her a 2nd chance and have her come live with me again. I don't feel that I can give her the care that she needs. I still work part-time and travel to see the grandkids who live out of state. If she were to come home; she'd often be alone.
Mom feels that all she needs is her medical alert button to call for help. She is furious with me for not bringing her back to my house. She tries to guilt me by saying she will end her life if she has to live the remaining time in a board and care. She doesn't like scheduled meal times at the board and care and feels that there is no one there that she can hold a conversation with.
I am looking into placement for her in assisted living homes where hopefully there will be more activity for her. She wants to come to the house to collect her things. At this point I'm afraid to bring her home even for that.
Any input would be appreciated
4 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I remember one writer a few years ago said her Mom hated where she was living, wanted to leave, the whole nine yards. Then one day the writer popped in to see her Mom unannounced, and much to her surprise her Mom was doing crafts and laughing up a storm with the other ladies. When her Mom saw her daughter, oops, she had a sheepish look on her face.
This is typical behavior! My mother is chronically complaining and dying in the Assisted Living place she's at, yet, she's the life of the party with the other residents and the caregivers' all-time favorite person to care for! Me she drives absolutely BONKERS, on purpose, because hey, she CAN. Mother is at her best when my DH & I go on 2 week-long vacations, honest to God! The moral of the story is, she's better off without me than with me!
I vote for leaving your mother right where she is. Speak privately with the staff to see how she is REALLY behaving when you are not around. If they say she's depressed or whatever, then you can look into a larger facility for her.
Best of luck!!!
I remember one writer a few years ago said her Mom hated where she was living, wanted to leave, the whole nine yards. Then one day the writer popped in to see her Mom unannounced, and much to her surprise her Mom was doing crafts and laughing up a storm with the other ladies. When her Mom saw her daughter, oops, she had a sheepish look on her face. So you never know.
You could try another Assisted Living facility that is larger, but the outcome may still be the same, your Mom wants to come "home" as she still believes she can handle everything on her own.
Next time your Mom guilts you by saying she will end her life, just ask her what cemetery would she like to be buried :P
ADVERTISEMENT
Be honest, tell her you are sorry but she cannot be left alone anymore per doctor's orders. That her health problems have become such that with your job you cannot care for her. That this is where she needs to be for now.
Had to read up on mild cognitive here's the article I found.
www.dementiacarecentral.com/aboutdementia/othertypes/mci/