What resources can I read to help me phrase things with my mom? What resources can I find to use when voicing concerns with NH staff?

I saw that Moms toothpaste was not being used. I asked why she wasn't brushing her teeth. The answer was because she doesn't. Mom had Dementia. I told them when she lived with me, I put the toothpaste on the brush and handed it to her. So the aide started to do it. You don't ask, you just do. I was told by one aide that if its not asked "do you want to go to the toilet" the other residents say the aide was forcing Mom. I told the aide to just say "Mrs E, lets go to the bathroom. If she bulks, whisper "you smell" if that doesn't work then tell her "your daughter said". That usually did it. I had a therapist as k her if she wanted to go to therapy. Of course she said no. I told the therapist to say its time to go to therapy. Of course they r going to say no. They r like children.

At moms home they took her to the bathroom every 2 hours. Water was placed in her room but she was never there. They did give it out in the common area.

Scheduling becomes more important the more our elders slip in their cognitive abilities and ability to care for themselves. Schedule toileting to prevent "accidents". Schedule hydration to prevent dehydration. Hydration can come in various forms in addition to water including fruits especially melons and berries, fruit purees, unsweetened applesauce, sugar-free gelatin, frozen pops, etc.

When you have a care meeting, emphasize the fact that you would like to find a solution to a particular issue, like making sure that mom remains hydrated. State " my mother lacks the ability to ask for a drink, what do you think the best way to address that is?" Work as a team to come up with solutions.

I found that often, staff would ask my mom if she wanted something, like water, or pain relief. My mom's usual response a question of " do you want..." was always " no" even before her aphasia and dementia. I asked that instead of staff asking, they simply put mom on a schedule of pain relief, giving drinks, etc.