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anonymous876106 Asked January 2019

My brother in PA has power of attorney for our mother. Can he stop Mom from coming to live here?

They have placed her in a nursing home and tell me they won't let her come to live here. Can they stop her from coming?

JoAnn29 Jan 2019
If Mom on Medicaid in PA then u need to leave her there. Medicaid doesn't go over state lines. States have Federal guidelines but each state operates differently.

To be in a NH on Medicaid, Mom had to fit their criteria. With ALZ/ Dementia the person gets worse not better. There is no cure. Your Mom may be to the point one person cannot care for her. People with Dementia no longer reason, take longer to process, lose short-term and the ability to comprehend. They become paranoid and can be violent.

freqflyer Jan 2019
Lcwads55, I see from your profile that your Mother has Alzheimer's/Dementia. If she is now in a nursing home, that means she needs a village to help take care of her.

Does your Mother live in Pennsylvania? I see that you live in Texas. When was the last time you had hands-on care with your Mother? How would you get Mom to Texas? Flying is usually out of the question. A person who is in a nursing home with memory issues, it can become very complex trying to move them to a new location. Sadly it will worsen her memory loss as everything would now be different :(

What does your wife think about this idea of having your Mom living with you? Remember, chances are your wife would be doing most of the work, unless you have no issues bathing your Mom or changing her Depend type garments.

Who will be taking the night shift? Patients with memory issues sometimes tend to wander, so you would need to secure the doors so that Mom won't be able to open them, otherwise, a neighbor might call you in the middle of the night saying Mom is sitting on their front porch. You may have to consider hiring a caregiver to help out.

You will need to familiarize yourself with all articles of all things Alzheimer's/Dementia. https://www.agingcare.com/topics/5/alzheimers-dementia

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MargaretMcKen Jan 2019
This needs more information. Is your mother still competent? If not competent, yes the brother with POA has the rights. If yes competent, the POA is unlikely to over-ride your mother's wishes.

Why has she gone to the nursing home - what are her problems with activities of daily living etc? Why does your brother object to you bringing her to live with you - he must see some problems? Have you any experience of caring for her in her current level of dependence? Why do you think you could cope - it isn't easy? Does your brother have more current experience than you do? This situation needs some very careful and practical assessment.

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