Dad is 76 yrs old w/ many health issues. Mom just passed 9 months ago. He wants to move 6 hrs away. Any advice?

Tell him y'all can discuss this with his doctor.
Now for the "little therapeutic lie"
You can move when the doctor says it is alright and when you are better.
That should work at this point. And you keep repeating it...you are not well enough, as long as you are on this medication you can not move....you can not move until the physical therapist says you are able to.....get the idea?
It may be close to when he has to move into Assisted Living or down the road Memory Care. Keep an eye open for other signs of decline. (often when someone says "others can't remember things" that is them forgetting but blaming others...cuz ya know it is never us that forgets it is someone else)
If the 55+ has Assisted Living or Memory Care I would look into that. If not then a move might be in the near future anyway. Because you should start looking.

If he is of sound mind you can't stop him....but you also don't have to help him either. How will he manage this move on his own?

Yikes, what a pickle Dad created for you and your sisters. Also, I'm sorry for your loss of your Mom. Perhaps ask Dad if he would compromise by touring additional places nearby. ALF's and Independent Living will comp lunches as part of the tour so Dad can taste test before committing. Remind him that the town six hours away won't be the same without his wife. If he still insists on returning to the town you may have no choice except to let him. He'll be back, that's for sure. Good luck and take care.

Your post says Dad has Dementia and Parkinson's. This means he can no longer reason. This will only get worse. Maybe his neurologist can sit down, look him in the eye and tell him this is not a good idea. Does anyone have POA because this maybe the time to start using it. I would take Dad out of independent living putting him in an AL.

How is he going to move? Tell him you don't agree with his plan and he is responsible for moving his stuff to this apartment. You will not help him. I doubt if he will be able to figure it out himself.

My question does he have other community in that town 6 hours a way? Are there old friends, past church membership, membership in civic clubs, etc. If so, it may something that is viable at least for the short term. Community isn't always family. I'm single and I'm helping a community structure at my church for aging people. A lot of us don't have family, so we have to create it in other ways. Just a thought.

That's a tough one. Sorry for your loss and now this. I agree with above that if you and your sister don't help him with this plan of his, it won't come to be. As long as he is safe where he is, it might be best that he stays there. Even if he doesn't like the food. Maybe you can bring him something he does like to eat every now and then, maybe that'll bring him a little happiness.

I went through a similar scenario with my 89 year old Mom. She moved out of a retirement community that had a Life Care contract because her apartment was too small for her (3 rooms with full kitchen) and moved 30 miles from me to purchase a town house in a place she had lived 20 years ago because she liked it there and wanted to get away from me. I have very little contact with her now and she is running down her money quickly redecorating and buying whatever she wants. Says why shouldn’t she enjoy her last few years. I have quit running out there and feel better when not around her, i think she bought a car ( although her license was expired) without telling me. I hope she doesn’t kill anyone. My own husband is very sick and has been in and out of hospital and rehab since October, has many chronic conditions not just one big illness. Mom resents him and the caretaking I provide, I still work part time to keep my sanity. It’s a mess.

?!?!?!

It would be a remarkably convenient coincidence if the exact same apartment he lived in with your mother six years ago just happened to be available for occupation right now, don't you think?

Which makes me wonder: how much of this is talk, and how much is the basis of an actual plan?

Talking about moving is fine. You can all chat to him about other apartments, places he used to live, places he'd like to live, 'til the cows come home. It will do no harm. It will be even better if you steer the conversation round to "meantime, let's see if there's anything you fancy for dinner on today's menu..."

If your father can hardly do anything for himself, he is not - is he - going to be able to plan and execute his own relocation to an apartment six hours away. So you don't need to do anything, or rather you need only do nothing, and he will sit tight and be fine.

But you cannot change his mind, because his mind is not working. So don't even try; just go with the conversation, do what you can to reassure him that you're listening and you care.

If he has the beginnings of dementia, do you best to prevent this move! Enlist doctor, blame doctors, whatever it takes! Do NOT enable him to move. He will eventually need to move to AL and possibly MC/AL. If this place does not include any AL, start searching now (unless one of you decides to take him in.)

If you and your sisters do not help with this move, what can he do? Certainly he could hire people to move his things, if he is capable, but if his reasoning and memory are problems, more than likely he cannot follow through.

Does he drive? If not, how can he complete a contract or move with a place 6 hours away?

Do any of you have POA? Has a doctor determined whether he is incompetent? If yes to these questions, he should NOT be driving and you should take over his finances so that he CANNOT make any move.

As for the meals, is this 55+ really an IL place? Our mother was in a 55+ community, but other than the condo complex being maintained by a company, it was everyone's own responsibility to care for themselves and the interior of the condos. Even if it is IL, they generally come with a kitchenette. Nothing says he has to eat the meals THEY provide. He can also order food to be delivered if cooking/food prep is something he cannot or won't do.

IF a move is really necessary, help him find a place locally that is safe.

Just had a thought reading this. What did our parents say when we complained about our surroundings...that's the way it is.

The tables have turned here. You r now the parent and Dad the child. His Dementia keeps him from reasoning. Its not what he wants but what he needs. Like a child, its an immediate thing. He doesn't see its not realistic.