When mom first got diagnosed with dementia, she said she wanted me and my dad to make decisions on her behalf. She had an attorney draft a Power of Attorney and elected us, but never signed it. She has always refused to sign the POA because she felt she would be giving up her independence, now almost 2 years later, her memory is declining and now she has paranoia, delusions etc, and think that me and my dad are out to get her. Her dementia is so bad now she can't remember getting her worker comp checks and says my dad takes her checks because she doesn't remember cashing them. I took her to the bank and the bank confirmed to her that she cashed them all herself. They gave her a printout of all checks with her signature on them and she still won't believe the bank nor us. We have tried to get workers comp to direct deposit them but they said they can't.
Because of this she's considering making someone else who she always said she didn't want them to make decisions on her behalf. Shes gravitating towards the people who cater to her dementia and tell her what she wants to hear. I know if she was in her right mind she would never make anyone but me and my dad POA.
I know if we file for joint conservatorship she probably will contest. I handle all of her affairs and help her with everything, ever since she's been diagnosed.
Do any of you have any suggestions on how to handle this situation?
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I went to to doctor with her and made sure she got formal diagnosis and testing from him. Only to find out that POA require 2 doctors to declare incompetency... so you will have to check how it is written.
I began documenting her behaviour, neighbor, police complaints, etc, so I would have this record should the time come to back up any POA.
If mom mom is still relatively competent and doctor has not signed a statement that she is no longer competent to manage financial and medical decisions (and yes, she can have dementia but still not be totally incompetent); then you Should take mom and dad ASAP to banks and have them add you either to their accounts and/or fill out a special bank POA specific to the bank (e.g. Wells Fargo or BOA). These two banks have been known to freeze the accounts if you are not on the existing account as a joint holder.
They do not recognize outside POAs and have their own which they want you to fill out. Something they don’t tell you.
This will protect your parents and you and allow you to do what you need to do to protect your parents financial interest and monitor what is going on with the account.
Sorry you you are going thru this. But I had the same problem. My mom hoarded checks. I found $9800 uncashed checks in her bedsheets when I cleaned out the house. Sad.
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