I have always kept my sisters in the loop to my parents health prior to both of them passing away. In fact, 2 of my sister's stated my mom was feeling sorry for herself and actually she was dying from cancer. I told them that! I let everyone know that my dad was sick and going through a hard time money wise and none of them cared or lifted a finger to help. I've been taking care of gram for 8 yrs now and she isn't doing so well. I have had my gram call them all, because I don't want them to feel like I stopped them in anyway to connect with her. That being said, that was a year ago and no one has called her. Prior to that it has been years since my sisters had any involvement in grandma's life. One of my sisters has even gone far as calling APS and making false accusations against. Which I can't tell you enough how it mentally impacted my mental state. Let me tell you I've been through hell and I sacrificed so much for her. So none of my sisters say boo to her. I mean they shown no concern for our parents and that's a true statement!!! Should I reach out to them?
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Focus on grandma and if she asks to see them or speak with them, then of course grant her wishes, otherwise let sleeping dogs lie.
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I have 4 sibs, 3 of whom are MIA when it comes to mother's care. My brother, whose house mother lives in, really controls her tightly--as to whom he will allow in the house and what we can 'do' for mother.
I email the 3 MIA sibs a few times a year and give them an update on mother, Whether they choose to do anything about the information is up to them. I do remind them of her birthday and such, but it mostly falls on deaf ears.
Some families simply don't DO the aging routine. Mother should be in AL, but brother will not allow it, and nobody has the heart to push it.
It is sad that our once close family barely speaks to each other. It's not adversarial, they just don't care.
You sound very, very caring and kind. Good for you, but you can't expect others to be the same way. It's their loss, really. I was close to my daddy until he passed, I know my sibs who were MIA were taken by surprise when he died--they simply were not around enough to see his decline.
You have nothing to hide, so don't worry about APS, they're just doing their jobs. It sounds like your family is kind of messed up--like everyone else's. Good luck to you in the love and care of your grandma.
My understanding is healthcare proxy cannot be given unless the person signs it over. Need to have Grams affairs looked into by elder attorney. Trust me best money you will ever spend. My brother tried it with me but I have everything in order with the attorney and paperwork. If he tries it again he will be overturned AGAIN!
Blessings
Hgn
Do you mean that the APS worker told you your sister had filed a complaint which APS had to investigate?
I'm sorry that communications have broken down so badly between you and your sisters.
If they haven't been in touch for a year, why are you asking now if you should reach out to them? Has somebody advised you that it would be wise to keep them informed?
Why, did your sister call APS and make false accusations? What led to that?
I am glad that you understand the importance of maintaining relationships on your grandmother's behalf and have done your best to support them. That is a very good and correct thing.
But clearly there is some active animosity on your sisters' part; and some kind of rejection - this dismissal of your mother's illness, for example, can't have come from nowhere. What's happened?
Does your grandmother want to see your sisters? Would contact with them do anything good for her?
If she asks about them or you think she would benefit, then email, call or message them and invite them to do something specific - call or visit on a particular day, for example.
If she doesn't and you don't, then I should pursue an "information is available on request" policy, and if nobody asks then why should you bother?
What did Mom and Dad do that 5 of their 6 daughters don't seem to care? Please, when your caregiving is done with Gma, do not ever agree to care for one of your sister's. You have done your caregiving. Enjoy the rest of your life.