Well, this is day (or night) 9 for me with mom, away from my home and husband. “Let’s practice walking.” “Not right now.”
”Let's see about you getting to the table with your walker.”
”No I want the wheelchair.”
I curse the day the OT said we should rent one.
Still not walking to the toilet, the commode is so much easier. I was up 5 times with her last night to empty it and make sure she didn’t fall. I can’t manage her pain, her dizziness, her neuropathy, nothing. Someone else has to.
Tomorrow is the follow up visit with her Primary Care and I’m going to lay the cards on the table. I’m no longer the caregiving daughter, I am now the frustrated family member. “You dont’ want to walk today? Ok” and I walk away. That’s not helping her recover it’s only not putting me through more emotional angst. Someone said so beautifully on my other post that being a blood relative does not instantly and suddenly make you a nurse, physician, PT, pharmacist, the list goes on. And I’m going to tell the doctor exactly that.
And you know, if she doesn’t recover from this it WILL be my fault. Why? Because if one more person starts a sentence at me with, “Why aren’t you....” well, it just will be.
NOW I’ve got people at work telling me I look tired, do I feel well, should I maybe not be in today. This five sided triangle of resentment has got to go.
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Fortunately mom did not have a stroke, she became severely malnourished and dehydrated from a lack of eating, depression, etc., until her electrolytes were lethally low and she felt stroke like symptoms. The doctors are optimistic about her recovery, but when she lays in her bed all day NOT practicing the PT and OT exercises, and asking "bring me this bring me that," etc., no one is doing her any favors. I should have put her in rehab right after the hospital. She is still eligible to go. The question is will she look at the bags under my eyes and the 25 years of wrinkles in 9 days on my face and do it.
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I have read many posts on this forum where people quit a job to care for a LO at the expense of their future. Companies no longer offer pensions. They are being phased out. I was just bought out and invested the money. We have no idea where SS is going to be in the next decade or two. And it wasn't set up to be our prime income. Its just meant to suppliment the income we were able to put away. Or even a pension we may have received.
So people need to work. Need to get those quarters in for SS. Need to make investments. Need to pay off that house. I feel for those who feel/felt that they needed to sacrifice their future to care for a LO. I see where they felt the need to do it but I also hate to see them now struggle the rest of their lives to live.
Just remember, not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver. I know I wasn't. No way I could do hands-on care. Yet I did quite well with the logistical side of the care.
Our aging parents still view us as "children" who have the same energy level as when we were in our 20's and 30's. I was in my late 60's trying to help my parents. Hello world, I need a nap, too !!
I understand how you feel with other people saying "why aren't you". One time I was grumbling at work about driving my parents all over hill and dale. One co-worker mentioned that my parents drove me when I was a child. To which I replied "that is true, but my parents weren't in their late 60's when I was 5 years old... huge difference".
Hope everything works out for you.
I even told mom as much - that I do not have the emotional component to do this. Not from a mean standpoint, but from an 'oh dear gawd this is my mother what do I do' standpoint. It is more than just troubling to see her this way, and doubly so to see her not really think she needs to do anything about it - that recovery will just come, "if I lie here and rest." That's a cold or the flu mom, not relearning to walk again.
Bottom line, she thinks her illness stops with her. It does not. And I intend to tell her so.
What can she do, kick me out?
(moment of humor for me...)
Yes my mother went the extra mile for all three of us. It's not like I'm not returning a favor, but in this case I seem to be doing one to her disadvantage. I could be three days into the flu and she'd say, "come on get up, you're done with this now." I wasn't but ok. I'd have surgery, "Ok that's it, get some makeup on now you'll feel better." But trying to tell her the same and I get my backside handed back to me, burnt beyond repair.