Apparently he had a history of molesting young girls for years that I was not aware of and his wife enabled his behavior with denial. They are unable to care for their personal hygiene and their home is filthy. They are both frequently incontinent of both bladder and bowels. They have refused in-home care and nursing home placement. She has been calling me to “clean her up”. I want to refuse I am unable and unwilling to provide this level of care. I really don’t want to have anything to do with either one of them.
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I would stay far, far away too.
You dont need to say this angrily. Just state it as a fact.
DH may think he is obligated to care for his parents. He is obligated to arrange for their care. Using THEIR RESOURCES, not yours.
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I hate to say it, but if they’re not properly being cared for and he is the POA, I don’t know the law, but maybe he is getting himself into trouble if he doesn’t take proper care of them.
Sounds like you need support and some really good advice. And someone needs to sit down and talk with your husband. Worse comes to worse, you could take a long vacation and he can take care of them until he realizes he needs to make another choice.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Very stressful. pray, be wise, be strong.
What is wrong with your husband? Who subjects his family to predators and their enablers and wants them to wipe their filthy butt? He needs help.
Where is your husband in all of this? Has he provided any help to them? Has he tried to get them in-home help or nursing home placement?
Why is MIL calling YOU for help?
Detach with love.
Do you help her now and are looking for a way out?