I have taken care of my mother who has dementia for 5 yrs. Now that she's in Asst Liv I can't seem to deal with my own life. I feel crazy.

I think the 25 phone calls a day are a constant torture and have to be curtailed. How can you deal with your own life with that amount of disruption? It would drive me absolutely nuts. Please talk to her facility, if she needs to call that often they are not handling her needs appropriately. If they can’t stop or redirect her, do something with her phone, (sorry Mom, I have to take the phone in for repairs) or turn yours off. I’m not saying counciling wouldn’t help too, but I’d start with the phone ASAP.

I agree that the professional counseling could really help you. They can help you sort things out and give you tools to help cope. I'd also get a check up with your doctor. When I was a hands on caregiver, just for a short time, I suffered substantial health issues as a result. My memory and concentration suffered too. The stress and exhaustion wiped me out. I think it's called caregiver burnout. You can read about it online. And, you can get support from other caregivers on line too.

I'd also work on letting the teams of professionals who are responsible for caring for your mother do their jobs and not continue to allow her care to dominate your day. Is the facility she is in, able to meet her needs? If not, I'd explore one that will. If they are meeting her needs, I'd discuss her phone calls with the staff and arrange that they be curtailed. I'd keep in mind that she likely calls so much, due to forgetting that she's already called so often. Putting constraints on this is only reasonable. I'd work with a counselor on how to cut back on the number of visits to the facility or the length of the visits.

If you are more comfortable with yourself, your siblings may feel more comfortable with interacting.

As far as answering you mother, I'd read material on how to handle family members who have dementia. The goal is to keep them happy and content. Only messages of comfort, so, you could give her any answer about others visiting. They are working, bad weather, car broke down, etc. She won't likely remember anyway. The point is to keep her happy in the moment. I have no idea what your guilt is about. Maybe, you can discuss with a counselor.

Joe, have you considered the idea of talking to a counselor or therapist in gaining some tools to deal with this situation?