I came to this forum because in the last year, my grandmother has gone from living on her own, to requiring 24/7 attention. She doesn't need much, just someone to make sure she tests her blood, eats properly and regularly, and doesn't stay up all night or fall asleep in her chair.
My grandmother has been like a second mother to me and has never given me anything but love and affection. I can never pay her back, and can't live with her not getting the care she deserves. I decided in the beginning to stay there half the week continuously and have been doing that every week for 6 months without any pay. I would never accept money from her, and one of my biggest motivations is that private care is so damn expensive. I don't see how she could spend that kind of money and have it last. I want her to live 10 years, not one.
Furthermore, in bringing in private care which we have on sat+sun, there seems to be so much uncertainty as to who is there with her. Sometimes the regulars get sick or go out of town, in which case someone completely new that we have never met covers the shift. I feel so paranoid that someone is going to take advantage of her. Unfortunately, I am very untrusting of situations like that where as my grandmother is much more trusting(and doesn't have much of a choice).
It's extra hard for me because I'm there more than anyone else including the other family member (primary caregiver who opts for compensation), and everyone else gets paid. I'd really like for the money to be enough motivation for people to not take advantage of her, and possibly pilfer. One of her rings recently turned up missing which is unusual. I don't know what to do and feel completely powerless.
8 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I get suspicious when the preferred method of cleaning is using the duster, while leaving the floors unchecked. I'm like the only one who cleans the floors and I'm 31(and don't get paid). Dusting seems to be a potential way to avoid suspicion in getting "a lay for the land". My grandmother is my heart, and I will ruin someones' life(financially) if I find that someone is taking advantage of her at any point.
I also plan on being available and fitting into the schedule as work allows. It might not always be easy or seem like a good time, but I understand the time with her is very valuable and the alternative is terrible(not being around and regretting it later). My grandmothers' quality of life is a major priority to me. I don't want to see her go to assisted living or a nursing home EVER. And will do anything and everything I can to make that so. I see her finances as a stopwatch that only stops for the time i'm there with her. End of rant. :)
I trust no one until they prove otherwise. Reading Dr. Phil's book 'Life Code' has helped a lot, even though I was never one to trust people much; however, his book has taught me some red flags to look for right from the beginning so I won't waste my time in finding out the hard way.
ADVERTISEMENT
Choose “reputable” agencies that screen their staff. You’ll never know everything about everybody....it’s a leap of faith.
Get to know those the agency sends and don’t be afraid to request someone else from the agency if you don’t feel comfortable with someone.
As someone stated below as well...if your grandma is leaving the burner on the stove that’s a safety issue for her and she may need 24/7 supervision.
Just because someone doesn't have a record and clears a background check could mean they just haven't been caught.
We have a highly publicized case of a 29 year old woman giving birth in a SNF, DNA proves it was a caregiver that raped and impregnated this woman that drowned at the age of 3 and was revived.
It is better to error on the side of to cautious and to much security then kick yourself later.
I agree with precaution. I know that financial stressors can motivate otherwise good people to justify taking things from people. I have experienced this first hand with a close friend a very long time ago.
In a facility, there are many eyes on the situation. There is medical care (RNs, NPs and an MD on call) available, not simply medically untrained caregivers.
Maybe someone can come along and give you a better answer, but a good facility would be my choice in this situation.
Lock up valuables. Don't leave any credit cards or statements in the house
Does she really need 24/7 care?
Can you ever revert back from a shift like that? It's not like she needs somebody to take care of her basic needs... She has become more aware that she can't keep making the same mistakes if she wants to be independent.