What can I do about my mom that refuses to swallow at times for me but will do it for anyone else?

I have the same problem. I mean how many people chew mashed potatoes for five or ten minutes??? It may even be from one bit to the next. It may be meds or foods. It might even be liquids.
I am at a complete loss as to what to do. She will swallow if her companion is here. and feeds her.
Some times she won't even feed herself. She tried to use a spoon for a straw to drink her cherries last night.
Usually I try to get her to spit it out land let her go without.
Oh yeah, If I don't catch it she will spit it in any direction she is facing. That includes my face.
Keep trying and good luck.

Your profile says that your mother has dementia. That condition progresses ove rtime and the person may develop trouble chewing and swallowing. Usually, this gets much worse over time. Have you discussed her progression with her doctor? Have she been evaluated by a speech therapist? They should be able to do some tests to see what's going on with her and offer some suggestions. Maybe, there are certain foods that are not good for her to try to chew now.

How long has your mother had dementia? I'd do a lot of reading about its progression and how working a full time job and caring for a dementia patient seems unfeasible. I'd consider that caring for a person with advanced dementia is a job that requires teams of people and that your sisters may not see that as something they can do. I'd read about what options there are for her, such as getting outside help to come into the home and how feasible that will be, since, she'll need 24/7 care. And, if there are options for placement where you live. The places that I toured before I placed my LO were very nice, professional and designed to care for people who have dementia. I never thought of it as putting her way, but, placing her where she could receive careful, kind care and protection.

Welcome to the forum, and hugs to you :)

Eating and swallowing are the kind of processes that are so instinctive, partly reflex, that it's a challenge remembering that they, too, are controlled by the brain; and so if the brain is diseased they can go wrong - with or without any kind of "deliberate" behaviour on the part of the person. I know it must often feel as though she is picking her moments in order to be difficult, but it's probably more to do with the time of day, or her feeling stressed or rushed - heavens, it could be anything. And it's no good thinking "oh I must relax so that she does too" - not if you do actually have to be somewhere at a particular time.

I see from your profile that your mother has dementia. How long have you been managing her care?

Trying to take care of her on your own may have been the ideal, and it's the choice many of us would love to make if only it were achievable. But you do realise that it will eventually, sooner or later, be both impossible for you and unsafe for her? Have you been looking at possible options?

In Ireland , a speech and language therapist assesses the ability to swallow. Sometimes my late husband enjoyed soft foods, other times he swallowed food with no difficulty. It became a nightmare to encourage him to take medications, crushing meds, hiding them in food etc. I empathise with your difficulty in getting help. Impossible at times.

Can you give a little more information please? How old is your mom? Does she live with you? Is this a new thing she is doing with the swallowing? Has she ever told doctor about this?

This may be gettting to be too much for you without help. How can you work and take care of her if she can’t do basic things? Give more details please. Wish the family would help out more. How old are her sisters? Take care.