My mom (85) broke her hip, dementia, just spent her first night at AL. She wants to go home. Any suggestions?

Has your mother been diagnosed with dementia? Has her doctor prescribed long term care for her? Did they do a needs assessment to see what level of care that she needs? Did the AL think sister spending the night with her was a good idea? I asked, because some places ask that the family members not visit for at least a week. Of course, that's up to the family member, but, I found it worked well when my LO went into MC. I visited lots when she first when to AL and it was not a good idea. I would suggest that you ensure that this facility is able to meet her needs, because, people with significant dementia may not do well there. Their need for substantial supervision and direction is often more than they an handle in a regular AL. Also, I'd check with the laws in your state, because, if she demands to leave the facility, they may not be able to hold her, without a doctor's order. Those are normally for a Secure facility.

I'd discuss the medications with her doctor. My LO went on Cymbalta for anxiety and depression and it worked so well! It was like a miracle. Before she went on this med, she cried a lot and worried all the time over nonexistent problems. Everyone is different, so, I'd ask the doctor about meds that have the least impact on balance.

Mom has Dementia and has just broken a hip, which is serious in the elderly. With Dementia, she cannot be reasoned with. She cannot process or retain. Going under will make Dementia worse. For now, I would ask the RN if she could get an order from Moms doctor for something to help with the anxiety. Doesn't have to be longterm, just to get her thru the changes. All people who suffer from Dementia want to go home. Its familiar. Some facilities ask that you stay away for a few days letting the person get acclimated. I feel this may give them a feeling of being abandoned. Don't hover though. She needs to get used to the staff and routine. I would not visit too early in the morning. The aides are getting residents ready for breakfast. Then lunch. I chose afternoon before dinner. My Mom could no longer carry on a conversation so my visits were short. I was just up the road so I visited every day. You can ask the AL what their routine is and work your visits around that. Let the staff do their jobs. Even when I visited, I allowed the staff to take her to the bathroom. One thing I hated when Mom lived with us. She is paying big bucks for her care so I took advantage of it. Yes, you will have some complaints. But word them like, Just wondering, is this how its done? Or, I have noticed...is this normal. I was lucky, my daughter, RN, worked in NHs. I would ask her should I complain? And she would tell me yes or no, let it go. You want the staff on your side. I did have valid complaints and they were taken care of.

Thank you so much! You give me a place to start, and some hope.

There are many. I think an antidepressant would be good to hopefully help her personality to even out. Her doctor should know what would be best suitable. Many others on this forum also have the aging person in their life take an anti anxiety medication generally in a low dosage. Zoloft is one that I have heard being mentioned for help with negative mood issues and xanax is good for anxiety. The dosages could start with a low one to see if that helps.

Adjustments to AL can be difficult certainly in the beginning but with time hopefully she could see that her needs are being met, there are activities that can bring pleasure, and the interaction with others is positive versus isolation. I hope you find the right solutions and are able to contact a doctor for these issues.