About 9 months ago my father passed. At the time of his passing, he was in NH and my mom was in AL. I'm pretty sure grief caused her to move from early stage to middle stage dementia. A few months after his death she had to move from AL to NH. For a while I thought she was handling his death ok. But, now I don't think she is. I think she might be depressed. Her behavior alternates between being lethargic and quiet, anger and sadness. But, she never really acknowledges her behaviors and what might be causing them (she covers up - this is how she's been my entire life). I'm now beginning to wonder if she is progressing even more in dementia. Has anyone else helped a parent with some form of dementia grieve? What did you do?
She will also have periodic visual and/or auditory hallucinations. I first realized that she began having animosity toward my husband around Christmas last year. In her auditory hallucinations she hears him call her ugly and other things. My husband has always loved my mom as his own mother (who he lost years ago). And they've had a good relationship. I also wonder if some of this is due to being angry that her husband is gone while mine is still alive (she did this with earrings... too long to explain this in detail). My husband was devastated upon learning this. Last month we decided that he would not visit her for a while because she had to have surgery and he wanted to make sure she had a peaceful recovery (as much as possible). Now, I am wondering if he should visit her. Will this help overcome her auditory hallucinations? Would visiting her reverse her animosity so that she can be reminded of how much he loves her?
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So, when your mother has auditory hallucinations, she hears your husband call her ugly names.
If you husband visits her, there's a chance it might help correct her memory of him in her mind and she may stop hearing the bad names when she hallucinates.
You also mentioned your husband was upset upon learning about her hallucinations about him. If his visit helps her, that's wonderful. If it doesn't, at least your husband has tried, but her mind is beyond his help. He should not feel bad or guilty for her condition. He didn't cause it.
So, I think it's worth a try, or a few tries, having your husband visit her and impress upon her that he loves and cares about her.
I hope his visit(s) will help.