My niece is 9 months pregnant by just looking at her photo. My mom wants to send her a card. Would it even matter they haven’t talked to her?

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Staffbull18 Asked March 2019

My niece is 9 months pregnant by just looking at her photo. My mom wants to send her a card. Would it even matter they haven’t talked to her?

Hi I thought I posted earlier but I didn’t. She was the last one from my brother family that spoke to Mom when she was waiting to be discharged last year. It was April 26 and she said that she was so sorry for everything and she loves her and she just wants everyone to get along. Well the next day she blocked her phone number. Well with the baby and her birthday coming up my mom wants my husband to get her address she wants to send her a birthday card and probably something about her baby. My husband is in a job that he could find her address. At this point would it even matter they haven’t talked to her? Maybe when she has the baby she will reach out to my mom. She was the one that tried to get her older sister to at least give my mom a hug at the funeral. It really cannot hurt. Last year my mom sent a birthday card to my brother and they put it back in her mailbox saying refused. This breaks my heart. Honestly I don’t matter, it’s my mom. Then talk about childishness my mom was driving by their place and my SIL was outside and when she saw my mom she hid behind a tree 🌳. Has anyone ever had their parent talk about when they see someone? My mom says that when she wakes up she either sees my daddy or my grandma. Sometimes it's her mother. This scares me because I am afraid she is giving up but then I think see they are watching over her and keeping her company since no one is close except my brother. She has been thinking about a lot of things the last couple days, even my horse. I don’t know but On the 7 th it was a year since her amputation and the start of a roller coaster. I am just so grateful she is with us. She still has a purpose.

Depression Mom Relationships

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score 0 · Answer 1

thaNo you. Actually it’s my sister in law who has the whole family falling orders.

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score 4 · Answer 2

I would send the card and something for the baby. Then I would watch the mail for any "returns" and if so, I would not let Mom see. It does no good.

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That’s a great idea. The other issue is my husband could get in trouble for doing it. Probably not but. Thank you again for your support

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score 3 · Answer 3

DeeAnna is right, Staff. For your own health and happiness, please stop worrying about who says what and and who does what when it doesn't really affect you. Mom is a grown woman and she can handle the family. If Mom wants to send another card, let her but ask her if she’s prepared to get it back. Then, it’s up to her. For good or bad, family is Family and we’re stuck with the ones we get.

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score 3 · Answer 4

SB, I wish that I could give you an answer why people behave the way they do, but I can't. Maybe your brother blames your Mom for all of the trouble he had with farming. (Which is NOT HER fault!!! Farming is not easy these days and many farmers are having to have second jobs or farm 1000+ acres. Many farmers own 160, 320, or 480 acres and rent the other 500+ acres. One of our tenants drives a semi for a pet food company whenever he isn't driving a tractor because most of his profit is spent paying for property taxes, seed and fertilizer. There is a saying: "Land Rich and Cash Poor" that describes farmers very well. They own land that will sell for three quarters of a million dollars or more but they have no cash to pay for food, utilities, gas, health insurance, etc.)

I know that you are concerned about how the actions of your brother's family are affecting your Mom, but you need to try to not worry as much. Maybe your niece truly was glad to talk with your Mom, but she does not want your Mom to call her every day.

Look at it from your brother's family point of view. Their husband and father has broken off his relationship with his Mom and maybe he expects the rest of his family to do so also. Maybe your brother gets upset if his wife or daughters talk to your Mom or to you so in order to "keep the peace" in their family, they follow his orders and don't talk to your Mom or you (even if they really, truly want to.)

You may never know the "WHY". You need to focus on what YOU CAN DO to meet your Mom's needs and try NOT to focus on what your brother and his family are or are not doing for your Mom.

{{{HUGS}}}

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You are right on with the farming profession. My daddy had to have another job and my brother also has another job an hour away. They used to have more land but still not enough to survive. You are right land rich cash poor. She did get her first rent check and it was $25,000 she will receive another one for the same amount in November. My brother paid her $27,000 for the whole year. I am just going to ask if she is ready if the card is returned. Thank you for your help

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My niece is 9 months pregnant by just looking at her photo. My mom wants to send her a card. Would it even matter they haven’t talked to her?

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