Does she still go to the toilet at all? If she does I would follow her in and change then if necessary. Having to take off your pants and shoes or slippers to change can be a real p.i.t.a. - would you believe it is possible to change without having to do that? Most pull ups can easily be removed by tearing open at the sides. Now take the new one and place it inside the waistband of her pants at her ankles, reach inside the pull up and guide the back down the pant leg and over her toes and foot and back up, then do the other leg. When I first read about this on the forum I practised on myself until I got the hang of it - with several changes a day I thought it was nothing short of a miracle!
How about putting ultra thin pads inside all her Depends (maybe try a different brand to throw her off) Be sure to remove some of the adhesive by pressing them against a cloth surface repeatedly. Tell her the new panties are different from the “old” Depends and that they are a new type that allows the user to remove just the soiled pad. Good luck. Might work.
I put three Depends on my mom early in the morning and then the slacks. We all know how hard it is to change when the pants have to come off to put on a new pad. (Pad rather then diaper for Mom, keeps her dignity) Then, as the day goes on and she has accidents, all I do is rip out each one and then there are two dry and then one dry left. It works for her. (and me, since the bathroom trips aren't as difficult.) Be best to you and know that you aren't alone!
In looking over your mom’s long list of issues, I didn’t notice dementia. However, I’m going to suggest that you check out Teepa Snow videos on the web. I’ve attached a link where you’ll find some of her top tips. She uses positivity. When an elder refuses to do things, look to see where you are successful with them and do more of that. No one likes to be told what to do. Listen to Teepas delivery and see if it helps. My aunt, 92, changes her depends when she needs to, but balks at changing her clothes with her weekend aide. The weekday aide doesnt have a problem. It’s all about timing and communication style with my aunt. Don’t get into a contest of wills.
Another thought - as long as she doesn't have fecal incontinence the extra long overnight pads are every bit as absorbent as a pull up, cheaper too, and it might make changing easier.
My mom fights changing too. Even if just the sanitary napkin we add to make small accidents easier to take care of. For her it’s a cost issue. “Those are expensive” and/or she doesn’t feel the wetness. “It’s not wet!!!” Frequent UTIs at times. I remind her that her mother died from a UTI that became septic, but with dementia that doesn’t stick or help long term. Have you heard of silent UTIs. As we age you can’t feel the pain of UTIs. Don’t know you have. Also, this is gross, but I’ve seen mom pick out a “marble” of fecal material then announce that the pad isn’t dirty and demand it not be changed. (It was). So dementia (Poor judgement and reasoning skills!!!!)
don't use diapers..use pull up disposable undergarments instead. They are no different than disposable underwear. they have more dignity. Adult diapers are not appropriate for someone who can still walk.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this pain, the agony of watching mom no longer understand the severity of hygiene and the torment of enforcing can be extremely difficult to handle. I completely understand. I tackled this too with my mom. She became very agitated with directives. I did also try explaining that she smelled. The deciding factor for me was when she took it off and through it at me and the little uriny gel particles flew across the room on me and every where, so be careful with changing her. I recently transitioned mom into a Nursing home as she now requires more care than I am capable to provide solo.
Dad’s the SAME way. He wears the Depends “throw away” underwear. He wears them until they literally disintegrate off of him. They leak all over the chair -which I cover with a pad and towel. They stain his sheets and bedspread- which I also use the disposable bed protectors. His PJs smell, and he wears the same smelly jeans daily. If he does change his depends and undershirt, (which is all stained yellowish brown) - he will insist on wearing the same shirt and jeans anyway. How do I handle it? I learned to LET GO. I’ll deal with the health issues if anything comes up, and the hospital can wash him. He isargumentative and combative. I’ve realized that I’m literally chasing my tail... there is NO way possible to have everything clean at the same time. The chair, the bed, the jeans, the Depends, the pajamas.... I cannot do it all. So I gave up. If the chair is clean because I changed the towel and pad, it will be filthy once he sits and leaks. I’ve washed all his bed linens, only to have him refuse to change clothes...and he soils it all the minute he lays down because he’s wet. Let it GO for your own sanity. You will Not win this. i figure if he gets an infection, he will deal with it. What is the absolute worst case scenario? If you can live with that, then it’s ok. Sometimes you have to let the elders make their own choices.
I went through this stage with my mom. She is bed bound now. I use 4 disposable liners underneath hair and the fifth one goes between her legs. With 2 big absorbant pads underneath the liners. And a small pillow between her legs. The pillow has a small garbage bag over it. This has prevented many UTI's. Mom also went threw the stage of digging and grabbing fecal matter out of her disposable diaper and throwing it over the bed. She is out of that stage now.
I had to change the type of disposable diaper my Step Dad was wearing. Because the ones he was wearing were the wrong size. Urine was leaking all over. I switched to DEPENDS REAL FIT. I also use SHIELDS FOR MEN to put in the diaper. I think he puts paper towels in there at night.
I have learned to be open and flexible. I did it all in the beginning (cleaning house, getting the situated in my house one at a time). I have learned to take care of myself and get the rest I need. Take care of what they need. I have been through the burn out, depression, anger, etc.
It seems as though the family caregiver goes through stages like the family member that needs to be taken care of. I am all mom and Step Dad have. Their behaviors regress back to being a child. The communication needs to be simply put and sometimes stern. I told my Step Dad if he does not listen to what I say, I would not take care of him. So now he listens and does what I say.
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Having to take off your pants and shoes or slippers to change can be a real p.i.t.a. - would you believe it is possible to change without having to do that? Most pull ups can easily be removed by tearing open at the sides. Now take the new one and place it inside the waistband of her pants at her ankles, reach inside the pull up and guide the back down the pant leg and over her toes and foot and back up, then do the other leg. When I first read about this on the forum I practised on myself until I got the hang of it - with several changes a day I thought it was nothing short of a miracle!
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Then, as the day goes on and she has accidents, all I do is rip out each one and then there are two dry and then one dry left. It works for her. (and me, since the bathroom trips aren't as difficult.) Be best to you and know that you aren't alone!
Did take me a minute to fully understand. Love the idea!! I’d be curious of the fit tho. Thx
Listen to Teepas delivery and see if it helps.
My aunt, 92, changes her depends when she needs to, but balks at changing her clothes with her weekend aide. The weekday aide doesnt have a problem. It’s all about timing and communication style with my aunt. Don’t get into a contest of wills.
http://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/04/05/5-top-dementia-care-tips-from-teepa-snow/
Frequent UTIs at times. I remind her that her mother died from a UTI that became septic, but with dementia that doesn’t stick or help long term.
Have you heard of silent UTIs. As we age you can’t feel the pain of UTIs. Don’t know you have.
Also, this is gross, but I’ve seen mom pick out a “marble” of fecal material then announce that the pad isn’t dirty and demand it not be changed. (It was). So dementia (Poor judgement and reasoning skills!!!!)
How do I handle it? I learned to LET GO. I’ll deal with the health issues if anything comes up, and the hospital can wash him. He isargumentative and combative. I’ve realized that I’m literally chasing my tail... there is NO way possible to have everything clean at the same time. The chair, the bed, the jeans, the Depends, the pajamas.... I cannot do it all. So I gave up. If the chair is clean because I changed the towel and pad, it will be filthy once he sits and leaks. I’ve washed all his bed linens, only to have him refuse to change clothes...and he soils it all the minute he lays down because he’s wet.
Let it GO for your own sanity. You will Not win this.
i figure if he gets an infection, he will deal with it. What is the absolute worst case scenario? If you can live with that, then it’s ok. Sometimes you have to let the elders make their own choices.
I had to change the type of disposable diaper my Step Dad was wearing. Because the ones he was wearing were the wrong size. Urine was leaking all over. I switched to DEPENDS REAL FIT. I also use SHIELDS FOR MEN to put in the diaper. I think he puts paper towels in there at night.
I have learned to be open and flexible. I did it all in the beginning (cleaning house, getting the situated in my house one at a time). I have learned to take care of myself and get the rest I need. Take care of what they need. I have been through the burn out, depression, anger, etc.
It seems as though the family caregiver goes through stages like the family member that needs to be taken care of. I am all mom and Step Dad have. Their behaviors regress back to being a child. The communication needs to be simply put and sometimes stern. I told my Step Dad if he does not listen to what I say, I would not take care of him. So now he listens and does what I say.
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