Mom knows who is stealing from her but is reluctant to do what is right. Any suggestions?

I'm amazed that so many of our elders are suffering abuse from their own children. :(

We installed cameras and changed some locks. That worked for a while.
Abusers always find a way to abuse and always find reasons to rationalize their violation of others.

Just retracing a few steps, here.

Who has POA?
Who is the Conservator? - and is the Conservator also now her representative payee for her social security income?
Are these people either living with your mother or able to visit her frequently?

About the abusers. Here is what is troubling me. You say they are angry because they have had their $800 a month meal ticket taken away.

But we know on the forum that *another* thing that makes people very very angry indeed is being accused of abuse when they have been trying, as they see it, to help.

It may be all as you believe, I don't know. But I just want to add a note of caution. You are taking your mother's word for an awful lot of things in a pretty complicated picture, and making very serious accusations against someone who might, when you get to the bottom of everything, not be wholly to blame.

I mean - stole pillows??? A granddaughter who's into Big Band music? Really?

Your mother is very elderly, hard of hearing, and you know is losing some of her abilities. Don't let her remaining ability, which I agree sounds impressive, lull you into a false sense of security. Dementia is a sneaky beast that can hide for a long time. Believe her, yes; but verify anything that is really important. And beware that was she says to one person may be radically different from what she says to another.

I'm not ignoring what you say about the social security being unaccounted for - but unaccounted for is the point. You don't know what was done with the money, and just for example you don't know that it wasn't being used to cover grocery and other bills.

When items have gone missing, has anyone looked for them in the house?

Outright theft? This could be a police matter!

Accusations of elder abuse in Texas can be reported anonymously. A court can force an evaluation of her cognitive ability. If she is found competent there’s nothing you can do. But the test has to be an in/depth battery of tests, not a 30 minute conversation with a neurologist. Demand the extensive full battery of tests. She may fight you every step of the way, just like a two year old who doesn’t want to take a bath! If you really want to protect her you may have to just look like the bad guy for a while till you get things made right. Comes down to how hard are you willing to fight to protect het?

Contact Protective Services

Are you sure she completely understands what is going on? Perhaps she is more forgetful than you are aware? Our elders can certainly fool us to believe what they want us to believe.
If she does yet still prefers not to confront the person try in home cameras.
You can’t make her act but I’d be proactive in making sure it doesn’t happen again.

Seriously. If you know who it is why arent you or somebody there when they turn up.

I wonder if your mother is just overwhelmed about dealing with the process of reporting the thefts, and what might follow after that. Just the thought of uniformed police officers turning up to take a statement can be quite scary (I’ve been there, and yes it is). It might be worth thinking it all through yourselves, working out what you could do that wouldn’t leave her responsible for a difficult process, and talking it through with her, emphasising the support she would get and how little it would rest on her shoulders. What do you think ‘the perpetrators will retaliate with’? Think about that too, and how to get evidence of any retaliation. Perhaps who the perpetrators wouldn’t like to hear about the issue? Telling the guilty parties that she is ready to report might mean that it doesn’t happen again, particularly if the theft report is going to be joined with a report of intimidation. Yes, they should be brought to account for past thefts, but perhaps not at the expense of your mother’s peace of mind. Best just to frighten them off, if you can.

NeedHelpWithMom: Lonliness? Perhaps, but we tried EVERYTHING to remedy my late mother living alone and in the end, I had to leave my home to move in with my mother. Stupidity? No; more like not caring. Oh, you best believe that dim-witted cleaning girl never entered my mom's house again because NO ONE CHEATED MY LATE MOTHER!!!!

I definitely agree with the suggestion to put in cameras (like nanny-cams) that can be hidden or disguised and I wouldn't tell mom where they are. It may be that once your brother and niece know they might be 'caught on tape' the thefts will stop.....or as some suggested you may find that your mom is 'hiding' things to keep them safe and not remembering that she did this. That behavior is quite common in the early stages of Alz. all other behaviors may be fine. I think that there are cameras that will stream to the cloud or to your phone so that whoever is removing the items can't just find the camera and remove the disc (getting rid of the evidence). Also, if her SS. card has gone missing you may want to check to see if any new credit cards or loans were opened under her name. I wish you the best of luck. Blessings, Lindaz

After my stepfather died, my stepbrother and his wife were entering my mother’s house without permission . At first I thought it was just her beginnings of dementia but her security alarm log showed someone with a key was opening and closing doors when no one was supposed to be there. I told the sheriff . He suggested we change the locks because even though she had never given them a key( evidently they took it upon themselves to make one and got a garage door opener for my mother’s garage door) it was her word against their”s. That legally proved they did not have permission to come in and the police could arrest them. After we changed the locks I told my sb . He denied it of course but they stopped doing it also.

Your mother sounds exactly like my late mother. Her cleaning girl was cheating her until I spoke up to this person's boss. My mother didn't care as long as the cleaning girl socialized with her. But her boss cared. Jeezy peezy! Elder aduse MUST NOT HAPPEN! Speak up.

In home cameras. Telling your loved one to stop complaining since she won't do anything about it. Filing a police report. These are the options. The video will catch the thieves red handed, get them arrested and solve the problems.

Changes Homecare company. If personal or family members Remove from home/get trusted Homecare. Report it yourself to Police, nearest hospital, nurses, case manager. Someone need to address this ASAP .

Ooo. This sounds a bit more complicated than it did at first.

Have you yourself spoken to your brother and your niece?

There are different kinds of POA and one can be for finances.  You can consult with an elder law attorney for other options if you want any...she could have an order of protection against them as well.

So just to clarify, your brother was misusing your mom's social security? Or was he drawing his own (fraudulently) and then caught?

I think if you have searched the home and know that things are missing, and your mom is competent to state that she did not authorize them to be gifted, then you should report the thefts to the police. If you have documented social security fraud also then it seems you should consider requesting a protective order to keep them away.

Jane

Items need to be collected and stored so there is nothing worth taking. Ive worked in homes where they were stripped down to the bare necessities. Nothing worth taking. Not that I would. Its just obvious its the bare minimum. Llike a sample apartment. Nothing worth taking but the person was quite comfortable. Also are you sure its not dementia? People get quite paranoid.

Time to get a nanny camera or 2 and see what is going on. I wouldnt tell your loved one bc she will blurt it out to the person stealing. Or spend time trying to remove the cameras. It is for your benifit only. Tell no one.

Then prosecute if that is the case. People who steal think they are entitled to it, no one will know its missing, they deserve it bc they arent getting paid enough, or they have a drug habit. Why would you want that person there? If they are busy stealing they are probably not concerned with your loved one's care. Good luck. I hope it is her imagination and no one is taking items.
You might have to collect valuables when she is not around to be stored. She might fight you on that. Later you can say it has been stored safely and we discussed it.

Maybe a consult with adult protective?  Letting the local police know, at least filing a report?  If the parties she suspects are no longer involved then she no longer needs to communicate about it.  I'd shut her down and say you weren't going to discuss it again UNLESS she wanted to do something about it.  Were these people private hire?  If an agency they should be reported.  If you have POA it is your responsibility.  You will prevent others from suffering the same fate.  I can understand the concerns though.  Illustrates the need to do all one can when hiring even through an agency.  Make sure criminal background checks are done, but even that is never a guarantee.  Very scary and disturbing.

I discovered my younger brother had been stealing money from my mom. He had been taking advantage of her for years by living off her, her paying his bills, and she even signed her house over to him. I call Adult Protective Services. They came out, talked to her but she refused to press charges on her. When my dad died, she had about half a million in assets. When she died, she had $40,000 left.

If things are missing in your parents home,or important papers or bills that haven't been paid,look under loose rugs or carpets,my Aunt hid all her bills under the carpets. Then,years later,my Grandmother stashed her money,(cash) wrapped in foil in the freezer.

Our mother stated the same thing that people were stealing from her. She even thought her son was taking her money. We believed her totally. We allienated a caregiver because Mom stated she stole her lipstick and the caregiver said she would never do this. We finally realized that her short term dementia was advancing where she thought people were stealing her blind. As it turned out, she started hiding things from where they normally were so people did not steal them
from her. We even found her partial hidden in the cabinet wrapped up in tissue paper so no one would take them. Her jewelry armoire was totally emptied into different boxes and hidden so no one would steal them because she noticed things were missing. A caregiver gave her a beautiful quilt which she promptly hid in her dresser so on one would take it. I gave her a beautiful robe and slippers which she continues to hide in the back part of the closet so no one will take it. If I were you, I would look around and you will probably find what is missing. Look in pillow cases, drawers, under the bed and in the back of shelves. We are always looking for what is “stolen” and usually find it. Good luck!

My youngest Sibling was Stealing from My Mom but Mom would NOT ADMIT it. There is Nothing you can do but should she ever have the Mind Set of where you Need to Take over Guardianship or the POA, More Say then.

No suggestions, unfortunatly, but I wanted to say that I am in the same situation. Its very frustrating and scary! Would love more input.

What is OB?

I knew a person that knew their housekeeper was stealing. She loved this charming woman from England with a delightful accent and she said even though she knew she stole the cat food, groceries, jewelry and so forth that it was okay because she had such a pleasant personality. Crazy, huh?

Do you know who these people are?

Do you know for a fact that thefts of property have taken place?

If so, is there any reason why you yourself cannot report them either to their employers or to the police?

Of course, it all slightly depends on what is going missing and in what circumstances. But if it's cash, jewellery or items of defined value like that, and you're sure of your facts, what's stopping you?

Are the "certain people" relatives, friends, neighbours or hired assistants?

When I found out that my OB was stealing from the home I try to get my mother to talk to him, but like always she put her head in the sand. So I change the locks! I also put locks on my dad's tool cabinet and his paint room. I also change the locks on the garage doors because I heard through the grapevine that he was planing to take the my mom's lawnmower, snow blower, wheel barrel, my BF snow blower, my grill, and whatever else he felt that he had a right too.

Change the locks!

"She has tried to confront the person(s) that are doing the stealing, however, they have now blocked her from communicating with them." Is the problem solved and these "certain people" are out of the picture because they have blocked her? How were they gaining entry?

Don't allow them into the home. Change locks and don't give them a key. Tell Mom not to let them in. If she does, then the problem is hers. I understand that she is with it but she is allowing herself to be taken advantage of. The POA can step in.