Do you ever get over the guilt?

Please, don't feel guilty. You have a lot on your plate. I have a feeling Dad maybe showing signs of Dementia. You may not be able to reason with him anymore.

You can honor your parents without taking on full responsibility for their care. You just need to make sure they are safe, clean and cared for. You cannot be everything to them. You ARE going to burn out. Caring for one person can be overwhelming but 3?

From your profile, you are a Senior too. That brings physical limitations.

I really don't think God expects one person to do it all. Mom is only going to get worse, as is Dad. And Dementia goes hand in hand with Parkinson's. Your priority is your husband. If Mom and Dad have money I would consider an AL for them. This 50 questions would bug me too. My husband doesn't even do that.

This will eventually effect your health. We all need down time.

My dear, you dont have a character flaw!!!

It sounds as though your father has an anxiety disorder that needs treatment by a geriatric psychiatrist.

Is he on any meds for anxiety and depression? They helped my mom TREMENDOUSLY!

First of all (((((((hugs)))))))). No guilt.

I just read your profile.

You are caring for 3 people with varying disabling conditions?

How much help do you have coming in?

I think that you are being awfully hard on yourself if you had an outburst out of your dad's hearing. But I also wonder that you are surviving all this.

Do you think it's possible that your dad needs to have a caregiver with him 24/7 so he doesnt become anxious?

"I promptly left the room and lost my temper."

Er, good? That way round is the *correct* way round. I don't think you should be remotely ashamed of your "lack of" control. In the circumstances, on the contrary, I think you should give yourself a little pat on the back, there. Faced with something intensely annoying after a long and tiring day, you handled it just right.

I'm sorry that your father is terribly upset, and I'm very sorry that your absence, in spite of all your thorough preparations, caused him to become anxious and fearful. But, please: you do know that this is him, and not you, don't you?

I'm sure you have been keeping a close eye on him. Would you say that this inability to comprehend is something new?

When my dad inquired about where I had been like I was 16 years old again and late getting back with the car, I would give him a short direct answer and then ask him a question (re-direction). As our parents age and their health declines we become their security blankets and our absences sometimes create anxiety. Now when I leave for any reason, I leave a written note with some basic reason for being out and a time when I will be back (going to drop off J at the skating ring - be back by 6:30). If I'm gone later than that time, I call my mother and give her an updated arrival time - sometimes she writes the new time on the note. I find this process helps me as much or maybe more than Mom. It reminds me Mom needs a calm predictable environment and it avoids that "where were you" interaction that pulls on those old teenage emotions. When I lose my patience and give Mom a short answer, I apologize and accept her forgiveness. At least on the verbal impatience, I have learned to let go of the guilt - there are just so many other/better things to feel guilty about (:>).

I know how you feel. Every time I go to church or somewhere my mom wants to know who is picking me up and at what time and how long will I be gone. 57 years old and I shouldn't have to account for all my time. Maybe she worries about me, I don't know. She doesn't like me out late either.

I don't think you acted strongly enough. What gives your father the right to dictate you every movement? You need to set some boundaries with your father before it gets out of hand. I am not saying be nasty with him. Just sit him down and explain the situation.

You are stressed! Been there many times myself, with the stress and the outbursts. As my kids grew, I had difficulty handling the stress, running from child to child to meet the never ending needs.

Personally, the less "me" time I had to "be," the more outbursts I had. Give yourself sometime, whether a few minutes or an hour, to do something that gives you pleasure: take a walk outdoors, enjoy a long bath, listen to some of your favorite music, meditate, anything to center yourself.

And when the outbursts happen, forgive yourself. You are running to help everyone else, and I'm guessing taking a little time for yourself.

Years ago, when in college, several of us overachievers who were trying to do good for everyone happened to be together. We were beating ourselves up for not doing our best in each situation. Our college professor asked why do you think you have to do better? Well, isn't it obvious? We are always told to do our best! He pointed out that our best in one situation would be different if we didn't have everything else swirling around us as well. When everything hits at once, we just do the best we can. We have to allow ourselves that.

Your father was being unreasonable and you were not abusive. You have a right to a life, and you do not have to account for every minute of your time. You know that this is true, so please don't feel guilty.