How do you convince an elderly man with early dementia he can not just move. His son has Power of Attorney over him.

2 days so far w/o Mr. B mentioning selling the house.I think because I did not react to him,that helped a lot.And yes I have worked with dementia patients.But U have only lived with one.My Grandmother ,who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's when I was 7 th grade.She passed away in 1987.She had Alzheimer's for 7 years.I was the main one who helped.Its a lot different when it is a immediate family member.

Your fiancee has POA and he is paying his dads bills late?

You were a CNA but have never worked with dementia before?

You live with your fiancee's father, where does he live?

Just trying to clarify information provided.

Heres how I look at POA. Financial you take care of the principles finances, paying bills making sure there is enough for his/her care. Medical, is for carrying out the principles wishes. Another responsibility is making sure that you keep the person safe and if not able to make informed decisions to protect themselves, the POA makes that decision.

This man has Dementia. (I know with my Mom her reality was TV, dreams and daily reality all in one. She couldn't tell the difference). Because he has Dementia his son now needs to make decisions for him and one is not allowing him to move. If it comes to that, he can place him in an AL or LTC. In the state of NJ I had no problem using my POAs.

Mr.B's son are trying to convince him about moving to Dallas.He has no one there.He likes to try getting me upset,and has rubbed into my face before about selling the house.His words were"and where are you going to live?" Laughing.I told him we have our own home ,and selling the home had nothing to do with me.His youngest son,who has POA(medical and financial&who I am engaged to) is getting tired of this.Mr.B is an alcoholic and has dementia Besides having very bad knees that limits his walking. Mentally,how he response has to depend on the day.Some days he us with it,but most times he is not.A lot of his bills are being paid late.I can not do anything,but I can let his sons know.I do know what I can do,and not do.I am a former CNA and has worked as a live in aid in the past.Plus worked for the state of Idaho,though that has been over 29 years ago.I quit because of getting burnt out after 12 years.

Soon to be FIL would have to be incapacitated for the POA to even be in effect, in most cases. Has his doctor stated he incapacitated, unable to make his own decisions? He has the right to make his own bad decisions, as bad as they may be, as long as he is not incapacitated.

No one has POA over anyone else. That's almost the exact opposite of the relationship. A POA executes the grantor's wishes. Not the other way around. Guardianship is when a person has power over someone else. That's a high bar. Even for someone with dementia.

Call the sons and let them handle it.

This isca fine line. The father is not capable of making informed decisions. A POA can buy and sell property. As such, I think he has the authority to stop a sale. The Father is not competent to sign any legal papers. A POA is responsible for his fathers finances. His responsibility is to do right by Dad.

POA is NOT guardianship - the person who gave the POA can revoke it, override it, etc.

As a caregiver to your future Fil, and fiance to one of his sons, your position there, and in the family is tenuous at best, imo. Mr. B desiring to move is beyond the scope of your employment, imo.

You said his son WAS POA. Maybe you are mistaken about t h e role of POA, it is not power over someone, but instead the financial power to act in his best interests and desires. Imo.

If you are living with Mr. B (your future Fil), perhaps there is a conflict of interest in not wanting to move? Is a patient with "early dementia" considered "incompetent?" I doubt it.

So what happened with the WAS POA part?

My response is as 100% patient advocate, not knowing you. It is not meant to accuse anyone of wrong doing, just asking questions to get more information.
If I were to answer 100% on your behalf only, my answer would have been different, given more information. I understand your dilemma, and your loving interest in this client. It appears you are powerless without authority to act, and I would not want to see another caregiver get caught up and stuck.

The caregiving should be separate from your pending marriage relationship, imo.

This is not something you can, nor should you, handle on your own. Even though you are his caregiver, this is something better left to his sons. Understand that when someone has dementia, they cannot be reasoned with. We say their brains are broken. They no longer have the ability to understand reason or process consequences of their actions. To coin a phrase, you can talk yourself blue in the face and within five minutes, Mr. B will once again be saying he wants to move to Dallas and ride the ranch with The Duke (John Wayne). You are only frustrating yourself by trying to convince him that Dallas is now a large metropolis and John Wayne has been gone for decades. Do some research on this site and this forum to learn about dementia.

Because one of his sons has POA, Mr. B cannot finance a trip on his own to Texas. However, because Mr B seems determined to go, he should be supervised to make certain he doesn’t take off on his own.