2 years ago my husband and I moved my elderly father in with us to help him out. He was being kicked out of his sister's house and I felt bad putting him in a nursing home. He’s always been a difficult person to live with even growing up but I figured I was older and things would be different. I was wrong. We had no idea the extent of care he needed until I started taking him to the doctor here. He’s a dialysis patient but come to find out he’s also blind in one and losing sight in the other, in the beginning stages of dementia & has prostate cancer, his feet have deteriorated due to his lack of care with diabetes all of which by the way he refuses to accept & says me & his doctors are making this up. He has outbursts of yelling and saying disrespectful inappropriate things to us sometimes in the middle of night while my kids are trying to sleep like tonight. He’s accused of me of stealing from him because he says I charge him too much rent! But I have to cook and clean up after him and do his laundry and grocery shopping take him to his doctors appointments he gives us $1000. He takes off by himself and buys lottery tickets has been caught drinking (by his bloodwork) & smoking. I applied for in home care 5 months ago and still haven’t gotten it and get this he accused me of forging his signature because we applied for the in home care?! I have 2 small children and don’t want them to see us yelling all of this is stressful. I don’t know what to do. I’ve called his doctor and a social worker from Medi-Cal to see if they can help me find him a nursing home but all they’ve said is they’ll look into it. He is on social security and can’t afford the nursing homes we looked into or they won’t take him because of his dementia diagnosis. I feel stuck and am desperate. I almost called the cops tonight because he wouldn’t calm down but I don’t know what else they could do. I can’t just evict him? Do I need a lawyer? Please, what are my options?
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What a rotten situation for all of you.
The fastest route to a facility is a hospitalization. 3 days admitted and you qualify for a facility. He goes in and you flat out refuse to let him come back to your house. They will be merciless in trying to get you to take him back. You refuse, period, end of discussion.
Hopefully, the doctors appointment will result in a placement or at least the start. If not, watch for anything that needs the ER and push for admission, not observation.
There are day centers you can drop him off at so you can have a break & try getting him involved at a Seniors Center, church, library or doing volunteer work or a hobby.. Boredom & feeling useless & unneeded causes depression, anger & anxiety.
Also call local Area Agency on Aging for a needs assessment. They can usually put you in touch with a social worker who can help with an
Application for Medicaid, getting him medically approved for Medicaid.
Remember that it's DAD who needs to be able to afford a nursing home. Not you! Your money goes into funding for your retirement and your children's education.
I'm so sorry your family is in this situation. I'm sure you had the best of intentions, but with dementia on top of all of his physical issues, it is too much.
Others will have additional information that will be more detailed due to experience with a situation like yours.