Our mom is in an MC facility about 30 miles outside of our metro area. We are, for most part, happy with care, but notice there is a distinct lack of communication between clinical and admin. We are very happy with clinical care.
I think my mom has progressed to a different stage of Alzheimer's. Is it common or not to want to be informed of that? I did not recognize her yesterday at first. The good...she was out in common area instead of her room. The bad or maybe not bad per se, but giving me consternation, was her appearance. And abilities. She can't stand unaided. Can't walk. On diapers now. As opposed to a month ago.
What bothers me the most is I did not recognize her. She was so out of it. Her hair is much longer but she wants it so. I would give anything to have long hair, says she. She wants a braid I think.
She wanted us to see a garden that exists nowhere there. So going back in time prob.
How do you handle these transitions when they are so dramatic? This is hard. Thank you in advance.
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I’m so sorry. Hugs!
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This day in history sucks. Lincoln succumbed to injuries. Titanic sank. Tax day. Boston bombing. Now this.
I am Catholic so this really hits home.
Due to family infighting and such (basically, the norm) I do not see mother very often. She lives in an apt with YB family.
I usually try to see her every other week. There is nowhere to sit, to visit, I have a bad back that doesn't allow me to stand for hours on end...and somehow, going to visit someone and having to stand up the whole time makes it feel quite uncomfortable--she never offers to clean off a chair or do anything to make you feel welcome...you just stand until you can't take it. (Hoarder--need I say more?)
Anyway--I DO go see her, unlike the 3 other sibs who are totally MIA. They don't call or see her at all. She has her own little life and seems content with it.
I had not seen her for about 6 weeks. We had a daughter come to town with her little family and mother didn't care to see them. So they didn't go. Then I got really sick and was laid up for couple weeks.
Seeing her yesterday--wow. She's really failing. She was making her "lunch" this salad thing she eats every single day. I didn't offer to help b/c she doesn't like me touching her things. It took her 1/2 hour to make a tiny 6 ingredient salad. Something that I could have done for her in 5 minutes.
Just watching her huff and puff and groan (OMG the GROANING) through this ordeal...was heartbreaking and also a real 'show' for me.
Her place stinks to high heaven, I have quit offering to clean, it's pointless, she doesn't trust me.
The worst part for me, I can handle to physical changes, but she was walking away from me and I saw that she had had a bowel accident and her pants were all stained. Just a small area, but VERY noticeable. That's how bad her place smells, you can't smell a messed in depends.
I can't do ANYTHING about it. Brother is like a drawbridge guard and will not let me do much of anything for her. He kiboshed 3xs a day care--obviously, she is needing help with toileting now, but I have been down this road with YB before and it's not worth his wrath to make a suggestion as to helping her in any way.
This is the awful part of watching your LO's disappear in front of you. Esp when you are not allowed to do ANYTHING to help.
And the OP was right--I don't even recognize this old, angry, tired woman. EVERY SINGLE TIME I see her she says "I could stop taking my insulin and I'd be dead in a week". I just respond, "yes, mom, you could, if that's what you want."
I just SO DO NOT want to do this to my kids!!
You need to get APS involved, regardless of the history, leaving her to sit in her own feces is abusive.
You now know and to do nothing is unacceptable and makes you as guilty as your brother.
still your loved one. Often a food that they liked will trigger happiness and a smile. It seems like foods they always enjoyed they will still enjoy with Alzheimer's. Find a way to connect through all the physical and mental changes.
Many blessing to you.
I am so sorry this happened to you Katie, and I understand.
Thank you.