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Kitty19 Asked April 2019

How to handle parent who is in denial of having dementia?

Mom has been experiencing hallucinations from tv and magazines images believes they are real and interacting with her. Two doctors have told her these images are not real but she insists these are real people. She becomes very agitated when not believed. She also has become a hoarder and becomes upset when family attempts to clean which honestly is now a safety and fire hazard.


Lastly she has been giving all her income to sweepstakes and is convinced Publishers Clearinghouse will come knocking any minute.


I’m not sure how to get through this!

MAYDAY Apr 2019
I like what Batty said. GEt file boxes label them and store them in garage, and perhaps just take a box that is not useful - books magazines, if no address is on them, take them to a local hospital or adult day care facility or goodwill.

It's hard. Its never easy.

Isthisrealyreal Apr 2019
Social security will not accept a POA, you would need to become representative payee for your mom and you give the SSA an annual accounting of her money. You can not let her have access to any of her social security and it can only be used for her care and living. You will have to open a new bank account that only you has access to.

I don't know if she has to sign, I was advised by the young woman at social security to become my dads rep payee after we spent 45 minutes trying to get him to give her his ss#. Obviously she knew he wouldn't be able to sign anything.

Go to their website and you will find the information for representative payee. This may be the only way to stop the bleed.

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Countrymouse Apr 2019
Over what period of time has this been happening?

What sort of doctors are the two doctors she has seen? Were you present when they examined her? What is their advice?

I'm sorry for all the questions, but what you do next will depend partly on whether this is dementia emerging or some other kind of acute mental or physical health condition. Does your mother live near you? - because it does also depend on whether you're able really to get in there and intervene or are trying to cope with this at more of a distance.
Kitty19 Apr 2019
Hi thanks for your response. We went to her primary care physician when I found out she was communicating with people in the Tv. She also thinks celebrities on magazine covers have moved in with her. He examined her and questioned her about the images which she insisted were real he told her she was having hallucinations. We had blood work done and cat scan which doctor said was just normal aging. We were than referred to gereriatric doctor who examined her and diagnosed Dementia which she then blew up on him.
My mom is also hoarding we’ve tried to help her de clutter for past six months. My sons and I pretty much forced our way in Saturday and filled about 8 lawn bags of old magazines and mail she was frantic.
Her finances are a mess she’s been writing checks and ordering from publisher clearinghouse and scam sweepstakes. Checking overdrawn again. I’m going broke helping her. I do have POA, and trying to find an assisted living home for her. It hard because of cost and don’t know if they’ll take her with Dementia although she still otherwise highly functional.
I didn’t mean write a book, but it’s a lot going on.
In a nutshell she believes people she’s seeing is real and resents being treated like a child.
Beatty Apr 2019
I did a online course recently called Understanding Dementia (a MOOC). It was run by University of Tasmania, Australia. Completely free. Participants were paid workers, some were relatives thrown into this world of Dementia & some newly diagnosed themselves. Had a forum too. No idea if your thing but it really helped me.

I find it so hard to know what to say when you obviously don't share the hallucination. I hate lying but try to go beyond the statement. Like if it's "those people there are plotting to kill me" I ask are you afraid of anything? It's OK to be afraid, but I am here & will protect you. (I copied that from a Paramedic..). So hard.

For the hoarding, a friend had family take Mum out for a long lunch & moved a lot of stuff to the garage. "There it is, not thrown out - just moved". Mum was actually relieved. She didn't want to keep it really, just the concentration required to sort it was too hard (I can identify with this!).

Humour works well for me too. What, those people in the TV are coming for dinner? Oh I hope so, that McDreamy's alright isn't he? Ha ha.

Is there a carer info line you can talk to? Get some support for yourself? It's a journey as they say. All the best.

polarbear Apr 2019
You need to take control of her finances before she gives all her money away.

Will you mother be willing to appoint you her Power of Attorney for both finance and health? Banks usually have their own POA form that you mother need to sign to give you control over the accounts. Social Security has a form that your mother must sign to make you her representative.

If you mother is not willing to make you her POA, then you will need to apply for guardianship. From what I heard, this is a more difficult and costly process.

In the meantime, what can the doctors give her to help with her hallucinations?
Kitty19 Apr 2019
I do have POA and getting control of finances also trying to make contact with scam companies taking advantage of her.
Wasnt aware of social security POA have to look into this
thanks
MAYDAY Apr 2019
Womans day magazine seemed to be a good one with positive short stories.

get poa of her bank account, you can give her an allowance sometime.

Someone posted something about Seroquel and sundowners. YOu may want to look into that.
Kitty19 Apr 2019
Thank you for taking time to respond to me. I so appreciate this forum

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