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anonymous902067 Asked April 2019

I need advice.

I have lived with my grandparents since I was little and my great grandparents moved in a little over 2 years ago. My great grandmother has severe Alzheimer’s and it has greatly affected my life as a teenager. I am only 16 going on 17 and I live with constant commotion every single day. My great grandmother never sleeps, poops and pees in EVERYTHING in trash cans, sinks, bathtubs.etc. She calls people names especially racial slurs and she loves to hit people, strip naked, scream, and cry 24/7 about nothing. We try the best we can to figure out what’s wrong but she just cries for hours on end and it has made me so aggravated and I know she can’t help it but I can no longer hang out with my friends or bring people over for dinner at my house because she grabs their butts, bangs on my door in the middle of the night, threatens to kill everyone in the house and it’s frustrating not being able to do things a teenager should be able to do. My family has no time to be around me or spend time with me because they’re too busy caring for her, which is understandable however it still hurts. My family also refuses to have any outside care other than trying to get an in home nurse for about an hour. I’ve suggested maybe putting her somewhere but my family sees that as we are just abandoning her and they feel really guilty about it. I have no where else to go and I have no outside advice on this situation. Sorry for this being so long but I would appreciate any help. Much love.

BarbBrooklyn Apr 2019
The fact that great grandma cried for hours on end means that she's very upset, sad or agitated. This is pretty common with folks with dementia.

The thing is, there are medications that can be used judiciously to help Gr. Grandma feel better about this situation. Can you ask your grandparents if they've ever talked to granny's doctors about medications for her behavior?

anonymous902067 Apr 2019
Hey everyone, I would like you to know that I am talking to my family about it and hopefully we can get through this as a family. Thanks so much for the answers! I wish I could delete this question but I don’t think you can.
Ahmijoy Apr 2019
The only thing is, you stated a few times that you cannot talk to your family because you are accused of wanting to get rid of her or of being disrespectful. Has that changed?

You asked for our help and we gave gave what I think is very good advice. Not to be harsh, but you seem to disagree with what we wrote and also what you, yourself wrote. In your original post, you wrote of issues with great-grandmother but then wrote that those things are being taken care of and aren’t really a problem. We cannot force you to take our advice. I hope it all works out for you.

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BarbBrooklyn Apr 2019
I agree with everything that Ahmijoy wrote!

This is not your problem to solve; it sounds as though your grandparents are in over their heads and don't understand that there is medical and psychiatric help out there for dementia patients. That's very sad.

Talk to the social worker or guidance counselor at your school about what is going on.
anonymous902067 Apr 2019
Thank you, I really appreciate it! However, I’m not sure how to bring it up because everyone gets mad when I say something because they see me as just wanting to get rid of her or I’m being disrespectful when really I see how much stress it puts on ALL of us.
Ahmijoy Apr 2019
Speak with a trusted teacher or guidance counselor at your school or the pastor of your church. If you have a close friend, you could also confide in that friend’s parents. This is not a healthy situation for you to be living in. If your great grandmother is using the entire house as a toilet, it’s also as unsanitary as can be. In addition, she is abusive and as her dementia progresses, she could become dangerously violent. All houses have scissors and knives. She could make good on her threats to kill everyone in the house. Grabbing your friends butts could get her in trouble if they tell their parents. That could be consider assault. You can also call Child Protective Services and ask for their help.
anonymous902067 Apr 2019
Thanks for the advice but we do clean the house and clean after her all the time so our house is very sanitary especially cause we do not want her getting sick. My friends also know about her being grabby so that is also not a problem. We keep anything sharp and dangerous away from her also. The problem is my family refuses to accept help from anyone and it’s super stressful especially when I go to school, have a job, and also have mental health issues.

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