How do you handle a parent with Alzheimer's, who is being hostile to an aide hired to work 5 hours per day?

My mom was always a very independent self-sufficient woman, widowed at 39 with three kids to raise. She had knee surgery at 81 and was never the same after the anesthesia. She has had a series of aides for the past year, but only for a couple of hours three times a week. We sold it to her so she could go places after she had to stop driving. Now a year later we have a wonderful person there 5 hours a day, 4 days a week. My mother hates her and gets upset when she is there. Last week when she called me she was screaming at the woman. Caregiver seems very ok with her mood changes but I can't imagine she will hang in there with her like this.

The biggest problem for me, being 200 miles away is guilt and constant worry about her. Neither of those things are going to help me or her. I know I am doing myself harm, yet I can't get out of it....I have been to see her six times in the past two months, but when I am there I get her out of her routine and it is harder for her to get back to it...leaving my brother with more responsibility and aggravation.

I know she is going to need more care soon, and we want to give it to her at home, but if she acts like this, it will not work.

I am touched by so many of the stories here, and so many people are doing so much...but I have to get a grip. This has been getting progressively worse for five years and will continue to do so,,,I can't keep going downhill with her....

If you give us a little more details we might have some coping strategies, but in general most professionals who work with dementia know how to cope with this.