Need advice. My husband has dementia and had another stroke. Released home with Physical & Speech Therapy, but when I try he gets upset.

You have to realize that your husband has some very serious medical issues. You can try telling him in firm, not uncertain terms, he cannot get upset or abuse you or exhibit bad behavior. These are the rules and he must follow them or you will no longer be able to have him home with you and he will have to be placed somewhere. At least you are warning him. If he refuses to do what needs to be done and makes life miserable for him, then you know what you have to do. He has no right to harm you because of his limitations and he must be made to understand that. And you have to be tough and say - "or else.....:".

janpatsy: A foot of difference in height must make it hard to assist him with the PT. Can you afford or get another person to come in and help? Good heavens - having a stroke is tough to recover from.

When I couldn't get my hubby to do his PT homework I would get upset and try to talk him into it and he'd promise to do it. but then he wouldn't. It gradually dawned on me as his dementia progressed that he had no idea why he was being asked to do it, he had no concept of its being part of the process where he went 3x a week to a session with an energetic young woman PT who made it into a game. Of course, he didn't progress, so they terminated his PT which absolutely devastated him (they sent him home to do it himself, which he didn't understand). At some point, I just gave up. We then had an out-of-pocket "at home" PT for a while who came a couple of times a week to work with him. One day as he was lying on the bed and she was helping him to exercise she asked him if he was tired. He said yes, he was EMOTIONALLY tired. I think the work of trying to follow her instructions plus not having any idea what the point of it was was just too much for him. The doctors would prescribe it to "preserve function", and I think if he could have kept on going to "play" with the first therapist he would have preserved function much longer, but unfortunately that isn't the way it's done.

Consider a Facility or Hiring someone to Help you.

He may even be afraid. If he is much larger than you, he may feel unsure that he won't fall and get hurt or that he might hurt you in falling. The last thing you or he needs is a broken hip. Talk to his doctor right away to set up a new plan.

Can you do the therapy in outpatient setting and not at home. Sometimes patients response better with other patients with the same situation and the therapist can work better with you not being nearby.

Your husband sees you as his wife not his therapist. Family members often have difficulty 'directing' family member that doesn't really want to do the therapy in the first place. They accept more when it comes from a professional.

This is like a job description for "wife" and then at the bottom they add "other duties as assigned" just like that. You can't do it. He is uncooperative, it generates unnecessary stress for both of you. THEY need to create a Plan B.

My dad was ordered to do his therapy in rehab of a nursing home. I think that was the only option for him. My mom couldn’t have done it with him. He was able to do speech therapy as an outpatient. I drove him to speech therapy three times a week.

Can he be admitted to a a skilled nursing unit of a NH to do his therapy? My mom’s doctor ordered that for my dad because mom simply could not do it. She has Parkinson’s and it would have been impossible for her.

Thought about my DH here. He is one stubborn man. Then I think of me in this situation and no way would I be able to force my DH to do this. I am 5ft to his 5ft 11in and 215lbs. I can't even lift him.

I agree with freqflyer. My husband, who had a stroke in 2003, has blown off every round of therapy he ever had. He would cooperate with the therapists, but then crawl into his bed or chair and that was it. Now, he is completely bedridden. A speech therapist who realized what was going on, once angrily told him that if he didn’t want to work, she would drop him. He spent 5 months in rehab working to restore mobility with minimal results and was sent home.

Keep the exercise sessions short. When you work with him, be as positive and encouraging as possible. But, realize your limitations and speak honestly with his therapists. They can give you hints and encouragement. Good luck.

Can you go for 'stick and carrot'? Lunch is ready only when the exercises are done?

Janpatsy, even someone not having dementia, not everyone likes to do physical therapy on their own, even with help from family.

My Dad was that way. He would be gun-ho when the physical therapist was there, especially if the therapist was an attractive young lady :)

I did find the one time Dad was living at Rehab after an illness, he had physical therapy daily, and he was more than happy to cooperate. Same when he moved to senior living.

Without living at Rehab, and being at home all comfortable in his recliner, the last thing on his mind were exercises.... [sigh]