Hi, new member here. My name is Anita. I’m an only child caregiver to my mother who suffers from mental health issues and is now having cognitive decline. She has been diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment but I fear she is heading toward an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. It runs in my family and I work in the field so I know the signs. It is both scary and sad to watch this happening.
My biggest issue is being the sole support is going to be a problem for me eventually since I work. She lives with me and has for the past 5 years due to financial issues. I am trying to get Medicaid for her to help cover costs because financially I am pretty strapped also and things will only get worse as her health worsens. Once we’re (hopefully) approved, I think/hope she will be able to stay in an Adult day care center at least while I’m at work so I don’t have to worry about her burning the house down.
Problem is, she’s in denial and deeply paranoid so any sort of day care center will be seen as a home that I’m trying to take her to and never return or something. She won’t see the logic of it and will feel I’m out to get her because I have it in for her. This is just what her brain does. I am not sure how to handle any of this.
Needless to say, I’m overwhelmed. I’ve been the parent for many years now and I’m pretty burnt out already. To think I have to do this longer and find patience from some unknown reserve feels impossible and I guess I’m just looking for someone to talk to about this because nobody I know is going through this and I’ve been unable to find any support groups for people like me. For some reason, people just keep telling me how bad I have it. Yeah, thanks. Super helpful. 😞
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You mentioned people just keep telling you how bad you have it. Well, mine was the opposite, I had people telling me how lucky I was to have my parents lived so long [mid to late 90's]. I was just too exhausted to feel lucky.... [sigh].
I was in the same boat, only child, and I didn't know any one who was going through this. Dementia? What is that? Believe me I had to dive into research and learn quickly. So when the time came when my Dad would climb into his time machine after 4pm each day and transport back to the 1940's, I understood what was happening.
Actually Dad was a sweetheart, it was Mom who was the Commander and Chief of their household. Thus, no caregivers would come in on her watch. Oh dear.
Keeping my fingers crossed that your Mom's Medicaid will be approved.
I have ave a wonderful supportive husband who listens to the stories and is right beside me when I have to get her a plumber or get the roof replaced or other things she needs.
I envy those who have these wonderful relationships with their parents. It makes me feel horrible, but I see little but responsibility. If she would allow me to look into assisted living..but no! Plus she squandered much of her money along the way and her house has a reverse mortgage, so there’s nothing to “sell” to get an entry fee for the nice places.
Its nice to see im not alone in this. Thanks for listening to my rant!
Kim
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Please feel free to “let it all hang out” here if you need/want to. No judging on this site. We’re all in the same boat. Nothing you say would shock us. We’ve all been burned out, exhausted, angry and every other emotion a caregiver feels.
As for what to do with your Mom, “therapeutic fibs” need to assist you in caring for your Mom. I know we were taught not to lie (especially to our folks), but, in this case, you are not dealing with who your Mom used to be. Dementia takes over and you need to outsmart it. Could you say you were going to have the inside of the house painted (or some other fib) and she would be safer at the day center just until the workmen finish at your house?
If you can get her doctor to cooperate also it might have more impact.
Its awful that “twisting” the truth sometimes needs to be part of the way you handle Mom’s cognitive decline but, it’s whatever works.
Good luck.
I know it’s hard to see your Mom lose some of her sharpness. This is a painful time.
Try your our best to stay calm and positive with her. Yiu can do it!
You are not alone.
My sister took care of my mom for 5 months after a bad fall. Now its my turn, as she mentally and physically won't.
She's also in this field and just brushes it all off. When she was "taking care of her" she went to work 10 hours a day. Then when she came home she was asleep ( my mom)
I stayed with them (her husband, her and my mom) saw what was happening and decided she'll come stay with me, I live in another state.
That said, I have taking a FLA
And don't know how I'm gonna go back to work. My husband is no help and my son isn't either (21)
Her health is failing. She's forgetful, doesn't clean herself well, and the septic well let's say "clogged" when she does clean herself. She is very unsteady on her feet so she needs assistance even to get up.her cognitive ability is poor. She now does't even no if she's eaten. I'm upset to even admit that day to day is a struggle.
She cared for me now it's my turn. I love her so much. I see the same person but she's not there. I have to do this. I even feel guilty brushing my teeth leaving her alone. IRISH CATHOLIC guilt maybe. I keep asking myself, what's wrong with me? Other people can do this.
Tthanks for letting me vent.
God bless all of you dedicated, caring angels.
feelinglost56
Please, think about your future. A number of Members have used their own money for Mom/Dads care. Then they find themselves in their 60s with nothing for their future. The best thing for you and Mom eventually maybe a nice NH. She will only worsen. She will end up being in her own world and not aware of what is around her. Medicaid goes by her income not yours. My Mom was in a NH and she was taken better care of than the AL she was in. Our bodies and minds can only take so much.
People who has never been down this road don't get it and they just can't.
I hope your mom gettes Medicaid to help you out.
https://www.cms.gov/Medicare-Medicaid-Coordination/Medicare-and-Medicaid-Coordination/Medicare-Medicaid-Coordination-Office/PACE/PACE.html