What to do with 86 yr old mom?

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Chestershaba3 Asked April 2019

What to do with 86 yr old mom?

Broke her ankle had surgery it healed wrong so she has to wear special shoes she hates. Spent 5 months in skilled nursing facility and kaiser stopped paying. Been home 4 days fell once, she can't walk IF she wore the shoes has bad hip and doesn't want more surgery. She hates the in home care but I haven't been able to stay in my own house for 6 nights! Now she says she'd rather have hip surgery than have 'stranger's in her home and 'how would you like it?'

She doesn't want to go to Assisted Living but she's cripple! And dementia on top of it all. I can't move her with me I have tons of pets and I can't even fit her chair in my bathroom - before this ankle thing happened I was already spending every other night at her house having wine on patio, dinner, going out to lunch etc (24 hrs her place 24 hrs mine) but then she could at least walk! She expects me to do this daily now I think, so she doesn't have to deal w 'stranger's. Sister blew us off ten yrs ago.

Broken Hip Burnout Home Care

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score 1 · Answer 1

I hope that you have or can get the proper documents signed so you can act on her behalf. I'd try to get used to the idea that she's probably not going to like whichever route you take, but, it must be done. When a person fails to recognize their situation and what is really needed, it may be unsafe to leave them alone. Even when my LO was diagnosed with SIGNIFICANT dementia, she still thought that she would be fine living alone with neighbors checking in on her once a day. I've read of patients who are completely bedridden and insist they can live alone! The reasoning is just gone and so arrangements will have to be made for their care. Taking care of a person with mobility issues and dementia.....it really requires shifts of people. It might be that she just has to not like the inhome caregivers.

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score 2 · Answer 2

sadly, you really have no choice....you must seek a placement with a NH. She needs far more care than you can provide. Even if you were to move in with her completely, you still could not provide the care she now needs.

you will probably not be able to make her see the common sense in this.

All i I can suggest is that you present it to her as a matter of fact, and proceed to find a placement for her as quickly as you can.

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score 2 · Answer 3

Is your mother's depression being treated?

How are you supporting yourself?

What mom wants is nice, but she does seem to waffle a bit, doesn't she? What do her doctors say she needs in terms of care? With a dx of dementia, she really can't be left alone. So either she pays for 24/7 care or she goes into Assisted Living.

It's not you doing this to her, it's the disease. It's not YOUR responsibility to ruin your life to care for her.

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score 2 · Answer 4

Sorry, sounds like AL may be the next move, if she can afford it. If not, a nice NH with Medicaid paying it. If she has Dementia she is not going to be able to live alone eventually. If you don't have POAs for financial and Medical, you may want to get them while she is capable to assign you. These will be a big help in the future.

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What to do with 86 yr old mom?

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