Brother has POA over my Mother's care. He keeps putting restrictions on when we can see her. Can he stop us from seeing her?

I'm in a similar situation except that Mother lives in an apartment that you must access through his house.

Over the years, trying to help, I guess I have rubbed him the wrong way. We finally had a big blowout a couple years ago and he said I was not allowed in his home on or his property. He'd call the cops. He is very loud and fairly frightening altho not 'abusive' in mother's eyes.

So, I stay away. Mother wanted to know what had happened at this meeting and I told her, this was supported by the other 3 sibs (this brother says he's MPOA, but he's nothing because mother isn't incompetent). I just...stayed away for months and months. Things have settled down and I do see her once a month, but I don't stay long and I don't clean, shop, bathe her, do laundry or do anything besides rinse out the glass I drank a coke from.

Yes, I could have gone all legal on him, but honestly? I didn't care. He's a big fat bully. Mom chose to live with him, even given options to move to a lovely IL facility, she still chose to stay with her 'jailer'. (that's what she calls him).

I think the advice from DeeAnna to have a mediator is a GREAT idea. we didn't think we'd need one, and brother just completely lost it, screaming at all of us. Shut us down, one by one, but mostly me. Mom's not happy with the fact brother won't let her go places and certainly not with me, but she will not stand up to him.

I don't feel she's in danger, just depressed and lonely as no one is allowed to see her and her place is so small you have to meet in the common living room. Adding insult to injury, brother's family has way too many animals and they routinely pee and poop in this LR. It's gross.

This is a battle I will not win and don't have the heart for.

Have you seen your brother’s POA document and do you have a copy? I sometimes wonder if there are difficult people who simply announce that they have a POA that allows them to do xyz, and no-one ever pushes the point to find out how much is true. In some places POAs may have to be registered somewhere with public access, but certainly not in my own jurisdiction - the document, or a certified copy, has to be produced every time it is used. Even if there is such a document, if your mother is still capable of making decisions, your brother cannot over-ride them, particularly on issues like whether you can visit. In general, visiting access is only restricted because it would be bad for the patient, not just because the person with POA doesn’t want anyone else involved. Surely the facility should have inspected and kept a photocopy of the POA document? Can you push it that way? Threaten legal action if they won’t provide a copy, see what happens.

Talk to an Elder Care Attorney about your Mom's situation.  If you Mom is not able to mentally change her POA from your Brother to you, then you might have to petition for Guardianship.  If you feel that your Mom is in danger at the Residential Care Center, then you need to contact Adult Protective Services.  There are several Mediation Centers who will meet with your Brother, your Mom and your family to discuss the situation, and assist you in settling your differences and mediating a solution for visiting your Mom.

Laws vary from state to state as to whether a POA can refuse anyone to visit. But, if Mom states that she wants you to visit, he cannot deny you unless he has proof you are causing her stress and upset. It depends on how the POA is written.