How to answer meal time (especially dinner) and cravings?

I understand defending your kitchen, but I vote for using locks to defend the kitchen and offering Mom the same dinner everyone else in the household has. Did your mother cook separate meals for you as a child? Is the MC going to cook a different dinner at 8:00pm? Why isn't Mom joining the family for dinner?

I recommend getting a dome that covers a plate and make your mother a plate at dinner time. If she doesn't eat it place the covered plate in the fridge and if she wants to eat at 8:00pm then reheat the dinner plate. Or let her eat snacks. I keep fruit and a container of animal crackers on a table in my mother's bedroom.

I should let ready meals be your friend. Keep some in the freezer, and then you can defrost and microwave them as and when.

If this offends the nutritionist/ecologist in you, how about cooking in bulk over the weekend and freezing individual portions in containers? Living alone, I often do this for myself and many dishes cope with the process pretty well.

Longer term, it would be better for your mother to ease her back into the family schedule. Better for her diet and her socialisation/mental stimulation. For example, rather than presenting her with those (well-intentioned, I'm not being critical) options, you or your husband go to her room and state (not ask) "it's dinner time, mother, let's get you to the table."

You will immediately spot that the downside is that you and your husband have to cope with having your mother present at mealtimes; and I remember and sympathise that this does not make for the most relaxing dining experience ever. But it is an important aspect of her inclusion in the family home. How do you feel about it?

Mom ate what we ate and on our schedule. I did, however, have one drawer in the fridge just for her and a basket in the pantry with her snacks - and she was able to get them any time she wanted. I asked her not to eat in her room but she did keep her chocolate and hard candy in there. I kept a close eye on that just because I didn't want ants, but she seemed to do ok with that. She loved those Ensure drinks and would have one of those if she didn't want what we were eating. No way would I have become a short order cook!

If it's not possible for you to install a door with a lock in your kitchen doorway, consider going to a home store and purchasing locks for your pantry and anything else that has food, including the refrigerator. It’s drastic, but it’s better than Mom starting a fire. There are also tamper proof locks for stove dials. You can, if you want, leave a sleeve of crackers and a jar of peanut butter out on the counter.

When your dinner is ready, if she declines food, make her a plate of what YOU are eating and leave it in her room. Assure her that this is it. She eats or goes hungry. The chef has retired for the evening and the kitchen is truly “locked up”. Make sure she has some snack crackers or something in her room, but she will not waste away before breakfast.

You would not, or should not, be preparing a menu of options for meals for anyone, her, your children, your husband or even the dog/cat. I have to think that there is a part of her that is enjoying having her own personal Door Dash.

Just offer what you have - no such thing as cravings medically unless some deficiency. This is purely self , unfortunately a result of dementia, she doesn't understand timings so you have to fit her bodily requirements to your life. If she doesn't want to eat I wouldn't make her, just give her a small (amount as she eats) of whatever you have when you have it, if she doesn't want it she can have it later. If she hasn't eaten at all during the day and you are going to bed then make her a sandwich of something she likes that doesn't have to be eaten instantly and leave the covered plate with her. The fact the "cravings" change so often is simply that she doesn't remember, they are a way of getting your attention, leave it a few hours and she would forget she had asked. Yes I sound like a hard bitch, but this cannot dominate your lives and is making you ill so think about yourself and accept she doesn't know what she is doing. You wouldn't let a child behave like this so don't let an adult with the terrible illness. Its hard to be logical when its a parent one cares about but we have to accept they are not the parent we knew, and care is necessary, waiting on hand foot and finger is not.

Serve it up, no options. I'm not a short order cook. Supper is what I cook and when I serve it. If it's not what Mother wants, there is always cold cereal or pb&j. Luckily, she hasn't refused what I cook or when I serve it. She doesn't always eat it all, but at least she takes a "no thank you" bite if she's not interested.

How about not running to the store and just telling her that you don't have that in the house? That you'll get it "next time"? And I suggest locking up the food but keep out a healthy snack that she can just open and eat like pudding cups or a snack bar? She may not be happy about it and if she stops talking to you, so be it. Sometime you have to use tough love.

I never gave Mom an option. She got what I cooked. She liked homemade soup so I would pick that up at the diner for her for lunch. Breakfast was cereal or what I made. If I had leftovers, like sausage gravy, I gave her that for lunch or breakfast.

I guess ur problem is ur afraid she would get food on her own. I was able to gate Mom into her room. She was too far gone to figure how to get out. Try not asking her if there was anything she needed. Just say good night.

This is what I didn't like about CG. The constant worry about Mom doing something when I was sleeping. When she went into the AL, it was the first night in 20 months that I had a good nights sleep. Having her was like having an infant again.

I usually ask what they want for lunch, and for breakfast it's easy, because they only eat one of two things. I told them I was not running a fast food restaurant. At dinner, they get what I fix. Usually eat most of it, but now and then, half of the plate is untouched - which means at 8 they will be eating sugary snacks most likely. It's something I don't have any control over. My mother will fix a bowl of cereal sometimes at night ( it may or may not have milk, or something else like orange juice - yuk) My mother likes soup also, and I do give them leftovers if it was something they like. If your mother has some type of snack or maybe even those microwave soups, they might help. Any way that you can lock the kitchen door, or take the knobs off the stove? Lock the microwave and oven. I am planning to get refrigerator lock because tired of having expensive food left out to thaw.

The temptation to say give her the car keys and tell her where the nearest Taco Bell is, is overwhelming...but I so get it. It has taken me a long while to get over worrying about mom (age 96) and her eating habits. Whatever she's eating/not eating, she's still alive and kicking and I've given up. You are stuck for the moment in being a good daughter mode. ANd she sounds like she has always been a bit of a manipulator...particularly if she is capable of going on a hunger strike or not talking to anyone out of spite. My mom is very fond of certain things. The old habit would be --even pre-dementia--to have a half gallon of ice cream she and my father would gorge on till satisfied, independently, with a spoon (BLECH!) from the carton directly from the freezer. Of course who knew how much of that she would eat. So I buy the (regrettably seasonal) assorted box of treats from Costco (or whatever was on sale at the grocery or Walmart) and that way she could go in the freezer and help herself. She eats breakfast. She snacks on chips. She will easily go in the fridge and eat pickles, olives. I'm not home at lunch time and I just don't worry about it because she is capable of finding something. She regularly leaves a knife by pastry on the counter to pick at will ..so she's not hungry if you offer her something. From that and snacking on chips etc while she reads all day. I don't cook every night. When I do I leave a note on the table that says "I'm making dinner". When she comes in to eat it's always the broken record "OH! SO much food!" (it's not) or suddenly sweetness about "oh, you didn't have to go to so much trouble." My dad, age 102 as of Monday, volunteers daily at Meals on Wheels and sporadically brings a leftover meal home that they SHARE. It's not enough IMO, and I often replate it on a microwaveable plate (she is not allowed to use the micro, but he has been taught how) and add some frozen veggies...I got a set of plates that is sectioned with a lid that can easily go in the fridge and has a vent hole on top for the micro. With her being 96 I decided to let it go. She takes a multi-vitamin and a blood pressure pill and at every MD re-check her labs come back fine. Weight is pretty stable. So I'm not worrying. She has toast and coffee in the AM, probably juice. She and dad also go out to Panera or Olive Garden or a local dive or get pizza 2-3 times a week. So, if the expense is not too great for you/her, I'd sign her up for meals on wheels (someone must be there during the day with her?? to take the meal in?. If she doesn't eat it then, plate it for reheating later. What do you think is going to happen in memory care? She'll have limited choices and probably limited eating times. Stop running to the store. You only go on (fill in the blank). Sorry. And then she'll probably forget what she asked for anyhow. And especially STOP asking her what she wants! Do more of a "dinner's ready!" and if she doesn't want to join you then fine. Leave something edible on a plate in the fridge. Or maybe offer to whip up, at most, a frozen meal which you can get on sale for about $2...and then go to bed and RELAX.