What to do when mother makes up untrue stories about me?

I agree, Mom needs a new Doctor if he doesn't understand that her Dementia causes these lies. A geriatric doctor would be better. And a formal diagnoses. A Neurologist could help here.

Maybe try to find a seminar for you on Dementia/ALZ. Check with ur local hospital. We have an AL that has seminars open to the public. Office of Aging too. It will help you to understand what Mom is going thru. Utube has videos. The one I like is under "Alzheimer video". Its the yellow brain one. The stages they show are close to Dementia. Alz effects the brain different than Dementias.

My mother told me one day a few years ago she was going to report my niece and I to authorities for elder abuse because we would not let her get out of bed at 6 am. We made a deal at the very beginning that she would get up at 9am. The thought of getting up at 6am at that time made me tired. I responded to her threat and told my sweet mother that she can call them any time and complain, but she is taking a big chance the authorities will take us her caregivers away. She never threatened us again. My mother is the sweetest woman in the world and for her to say such a thing is just plain funny. We do alot of laughing in this household. I don't take offense it is part of the process.

As Director of Nursing in a Assisted Living community I can tell you this is very common. She may be confusing you in her head with someone else, but when she sees your face she knows you for who you are. If the doctor is not smart enough to know this than you need a new one, don't take it to heart, its the dementia speaking not her, you know what you did or did not do, that may have to be enough.

Good luck and god bless.

I am in the same situation. My mother has dementia and lives with my family. My mother visited my brother and told him we never cook, won’t feed her, took away her bed, won’t let her go to the bathroom, etc etc. He dropped her off and whispered “call me in a minute.” He told me these things but thankfully did not believe them. I never mentioned it to her, but am a bit worried about what she tells other people who do not know the real situation.

As Ann mentioned, your Mom's brain is broken and it sounds like she might be confusing you with your Dad.  When she does say things that are untrue in front of others, talk with those people and let them know that it is the Dementia disease that is causing your Mom to say those things.  I am glad that the nurse spoke up to the doctor on your behalf.

DO NOT get upset or angry with your Mom!  Easier said than done.   I found out the hard way that if I responded in a negative or emotional way when Mom said untrue things about me that certain staff members at the nursing home and some friends and family members thought that maybe, just maybe, what Mom was saying was true.  The Social Service Assistant at the nursing home that Mom was in thought that I was stealing from Mom's checking account (among other things) so she helped Mom change her POA from me to our family attorney.  I had to petition for guardianship and conservatorship before I got the Social Service Assistant to realize that Mom was lying.  Luckily the attorneys involved in the petition process decided that Mom did not know what was going on and reinstated my DPOA for both Finances and Healthcare.

Keep a journal of your Mom's untrue statements as proof that she is lying and that her mental status is impaired.  Has your Mom been evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist or a psychiatric nurse practitioner?  It might be helpful to have a definite diagnosis of Dementia or a factual evaluation that your Mom is mentally/cognitively impaired.  Are you the POA for Finances and for Healthcare for your Mom?

When someone has been diagnosed with dementia, they cannot be held responsible for saying outrageous and untrue things.
What she is saying are not “lies”. They are verbal expressions of a disordered and broken brain.
Whatever you can “make” her do will not effect her behavior. Words that you attempt to make her repeat will not effect her altered feelings and reactions.
I carry a brief statement from a geriatric psychiatrist that explains my LO’s verbal reactions to her surroundings.
If her doctor has not observed some aberrations in her recent behavior you may want to seek out someone trained in the care of patients with dementia. By all means phone him and let him know what you are seeing.

Look up confabulation and anosognosia.

Yes! You should tell everyone I want to say but that might prove to be a problem. I would start with the doctor and then an attorney. Especially if you have family members who would like to believe her accusations. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

You should sit down with Mom, son, and daughter.

there in front of everyone...tell Mom she must stop telling lies about you and apologize right there in front of everyone. Not just “I apologize”....but “ I am sorry I told that lie about you hitting your son. I am sorry I told that lie to the doctors about you keeping medicine from me...”. Etc. she has to own up to the lies she is telling...and do it in such a way that other recognize the story she told and know it for a lie from her own lips.

I would require this from her as the only only solution to you remaining to help her. Otherwise, the day will come when she will have APS on your back and it might not go so well for you. You need the family to be able to back you up...knowing how your Mom lies and being able to articulate that to APS should it come to it