Has anyone gone to a therapist due to your caregiving situation? If so did it help or not?

This forum is my therapy. It's convenient - I can pop in anytime - and it does not cost a dime. I've gotten more from the good people on this forum than I imagine I would ever get from a therapist. Sometimes just the act of writing helps even if I decide to not post. And reading what others share both in terms of recommendations and their situations is beyond anything a therapist can offer in 45-minutes.

I started seeing my current therapist about 2 weeks after I moved my dad to LTC. I had been leaning too much on my husband and my mom (who has not been married to my dad in almost 2 decades) with all my guilt, frustrations, and anxiety attacks surrounding my father. Then the caregiver burnout hit in a big way and I couldn't figure out what is wrong with me. My therapist helped me to understand that my burnout was a cumulative effect from caregiving for 4 kids with extra needs and disabilities for 10 years (17 years total actually being a mother..disabilities didn't come into play until 7 years in), my father for nearly 5 years, supporting my husband through military years and deployments for 14 years, and the death of my MIL just here recently. She had me see through outsider's perspective that everything I've done would wipe out any person. She's helping me set boundaries, which has had fantastic results, given me ways to deal with anxiety attacks, see that I'm not going to bounce back from all this in no time flat and I need time to recover while balancing the raising of my kids. She's my person I can get real with and there's zero judgments and she's paid to hear me ramble on and be frustrated! This forum has been very very helpful as well. I really should start the journal my therapist is always on me about. LOL Writing things out is truly cathartic.

For years I was encouraged to talk to a therapist. I was reluctant and didn’t think it would help. One day at work I found myself venting to a random co-worker. I saw the look on her face as I spoke but I couldn’t stop my emotions. After a few minutes she suggested I see someone. Later I realized what I must have seemed like. Still I didn’t want to go but I tried it! I started with one psychologist who helped me through so much of the abuse fallout. Then I found my current therapist. She is very aware of the cycle of abuse and codependency. Final answer: absolutely worth it!!! Even if you “don’t believe in therapy”. It’s worth it just to talk to someone. I have learned how to respond and how to protect myself with strong boundaries. I didn’t change my mom. I changed my reactions and myself. But it is VERY hard work. Therapy is hard work. But you’re doing something good for yourself. I think of it as an emotional spa day. 😊

I’ve been to a therapist/ counsellor three times in my life, but never about caregiving, so perhaps this won’t be relevant at all. None of my experiences were really helpful. I think perhaps I went in thinking ‘help’, and I should have been more specific in what I was looking for. ‘Help’ related to a situation with someone else (different each time, years apart), so there was a lot of explaining the situation. It would have been better if I had looked specifically about things I could do - you can only change yourself, not the other person. If possible, I would say talk your issues through first with a friend, to clarify what you are really looking for. Therapists here tend to follow the dogma that they get you to talk and you will see the answer for yourself. Wrong, at least for me. I wanted ideas and suggestions so I could look at things in a different way. One of the benefits of this site is actually that you get specific ideas from different points of view. You could put up another anonymous name, and spill your guts here for free! Therapists can also be interested in an ongoing ‘relationship’ as they get to know you, and it can get to be very bad value for money. Best wishes.

Yes, I have. It was helpful for me. Sometimes it takes a professional to point out things that we do not want to necessarily see and the opposite as well, they are able to validate what we do feel is correct.

Best of luck to you. Hugs!

Hi Helen, I did go to a therapist shortly after my mother died and I became my father's caregiver (with no help from my siblings). I feel that it did help me, she told me how to set boundaries, to enlist help from a caregiver agency, and to make time for myself. Sometimes I feel guilty if I am not able to do something for my father and I do feel that she helped me to see that I matter also and need to take care of myself as well. This was several years ago, but I have recently thought about going back to one. If you are on the fence about it, I would definitely recommend that you see one! Also, check references, and see how you feel with your first meeting, if you are not comfortable with one therapist, try another one. Good luck!

My therapist has one role, and that is to remind me that my expectations for myself, an those others have for me as a one woman care giving machine for two ill parents is a fervent wish, and not a realistic expectation. I see how I come to her every week with things, only to see that its really the same thing, the guilt, the isolation, the disappointment, the fear, the anger, and oh - did I mention the guilt? :) I don't do group right now because I can't do listening right now- I need to talk out my grief, out of my mind, out of my body. It feels indulgent, but it also feels like a lifeline through this terrible storm.

Yes, my therapist was a lifesaver when I was caring for mom. It takes a little bit sometimes to find a good "fit" as far as therapists go, but once you find a good one, it does really help.

Mom passed in February, but I still see the same therapist, who has helped me with issues since mom's death as well as just being a non-biased person I can talk to when I get stressed about whatever it is I am feeling at the moment.

Yes and I would further say that it is absolutely necessary. Caregiver burnout is real and debilitating. Especially if the person you are caring for is manipulative, uncooperative and hurtful. I would compare this to when you're on a plane and the flight attendant gives the instructions about the oxygen mask. They say you must place the mask and life jacket on yourself, first. Then, you can help the others. This can also be applied to life itself. A therapist can guide and teach you many coping techniques. Wish you the very best!

I’ve been seeing a therapist every month for just over a year- not really for myself as a caregiver, but for advice and support living with my wife, who cares for her 100-year-old mother. She resides in a 3-bedroom house (that we own and maintain) next door to us. Unfortunately, my wife refuses to face reality and put her mother (who has dementia) in an assisted living facility, where she belongs. My wife has to check on her mother several times a day to ensure she is eating, taking her meds correctly, etc. I assist sometimes, but the truth is I’m sick and tired of it after 35 years. My wife and I can’t travel anywhere together for more than a day or two (on rare occasion) and our lives are passing us by because of her caring for her mother. I’m retired and had dreams of traveling the world with my wife. As a result, I increasingly resent both my wife and mother-in-law. Since today is Mother’s Day, I’ll be expected to take the old bag (see, I’ve even become disrespectful) out to a buffet lunch, where she may eat a piece of toast with jelly (at a cost of about $35 out of my pocket). I didn’t really mind this ten years ago when she at least knew where she was and what day it was; but now, she has no idea where she is or why she’s in a restaurant. But I digress. To get back on topic, yes, I’ve been seeing a counselor about this (and my resulting depression) for over a year. Has it done any good? Maybe, but only in the sense that it gives me a shoulder to cry on, so to speak. I can’t say these things out loud or to my wife, lest she think I’m waiting for her mother to die. Truth is, I am waiting, but at 100 years old she’s in very good physical health and will probably outlive me. I’ve posted this previously and have taken the advice of both my therapist and many people on this forum- I’ve decided to go on living my life (traveling whenever and wherever I want without my wife) but the guilt is always there. As I tell my wife, her mother would never do this to us willingly, but she has no idea what she’s doing anymore (but my wife does). So, while going to a therapist may help, I find that an occasional venting on this forum is just as helpful.