My Father has extreme anxiety about his health and is afraid of dying. He has COPD, lives alone, still drives, cooks but mostly watches TV. He goes to Dr. frequently because he is always worried. 2 of his friends recently died which made the situation worse. He refuses to go to an independent/assisted living place because he doesn’t want to spend the money. Any suggestions on how to ease anxiety? He doesn’t like his preacher and I’m not sure he would go to counseling.
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In my area (and we live in the boondocks) we have such an agency and they have many resources that may help your Dad. We have a senior center where a bus will come and pick up my Mom (that stopped) but it was great when it lasted (my Mom met many people her age, played bingo, listened to music, etc.).
Get your Dad involved even if he grumbles about it so he won't have to be alone so much. Being alone can be a person's worst enemy as the mind overthinks everything.
Best of luck,
Jenna
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Love of heaven, what a joke this 'war on drugs' has become!!
I had a friend who had to take codeine daily for chronic pain, She didn't know it was an opioid and when she found out it was, she called me, crying, 'I have to stop taking this! I am an addict!"
Seriously. Had to talk her off the wall. I also take it daily and while I am not proud of it, it allows my arthritis to settle down and for me to be functional. Am I addicted? Probably. Dr sees me every 3 months, we're just trying to keep me MOVING.
Xanax is fairly 'harsh' and when it stops working--wow, you really feel it. Klonipin (Clonazepam) has been, in my life, a godsend. It works longer and as it leaves your system, you don't even notice.
Yes, it is addictive. But it works for me every single time I take it. W/O it I would have ended my own life many years ago. Chronic anxiety is horrible.
Trazadone is OK for sleep, but not a good drug for men.
The fear of death is real. The fear of getting old and 'useless' is very real. Sounds like your dad needs some friends. And some hobbies. And some positive outlets. Everybody needs to be needed.
If that is the only problem, make sure your father is not cutting his nose off to spite his face. So he was included in a mass mailing that shouldn't have gone to him - so what? Ignore it! Don't take it as a personal affront when there was no such intention.
I have a ? mark over his seeming not to grasp the appointments concept, and wonder if scheduling and planning might be becoming difficult for him, which I would want to investigate gently if he were my dad. Other than that. If I'm going to be really honest. I wonder if the anxiety is felt more by you than by him? Would that be unfair?
I don’t know that I would say I’m anxious about his situation. I am concerned and I want to make sure that I do right by him. I’m the oldest of 4 and the main decision maker for his care. My brothers live far away and my sister is only available to help sometimes. I live 2 hours away so I do a lot long distance.
When you say he goes to his doctor "frequently" - how often is that, and are you able to go with him?
I'm sorry for your father's situation, and I'm sorry that you're in the difficult position of worrying about him without there being an obvious answer. What I'm trying to dig into a little bit is what you would expect of him, and what is the best you could hope for?
Looking at the option you put to him of moving into an independent or assisted living community: so, you felt, when you suggested this, that if he were less isolated and had more help at hand and more people to talk to, he would feel better? And he dismissed the idea because he doesn't want to spend the money. Was that, would you say, a rational argument? Is he short of money? Does he have other plans for it? Or are there other reasons why he might not like the idea of change?
Addiction is a problem when it leads to health issues, strong desires for ever higher doses, and an entry into the drug abuse business. I take a lot of Codeine when my scoliosis is very painful but have no trouble stopping when the pain incident is over. My husband has found over many years of experiments that regular Codeine with Aspirin is the only thing that controls his chronic migraine and allows him to be a useful productive person. So what if he is addicted – he isn’t robbing banks! Our doctor supervises us regularly to check on possible adverse effects, and he too thinks a lot of the baloney is just the ‘idea of the year’. For very elderly people, mild addiction is possibly the least of their worries – they get unlimited morphine at the end, for Pete's sake.
My own feeling is that if you find a medication that works well, look up the ‘adverse effects’ and see if you can pick them occurring. If it all seems OK, change doctors if you need to find one who isn’t simply following the latest scare tactics.
No one enjoys seeing their friends passing away one by one. When the last of my mother’s siblings passed away , she was abnormally upset by it since she said her whole family was gone( yeah, just a husband and 3 kids who she saw every week or so vs siblings she hadn’t seen in a decade or more🙄) . I thought it was more thinking of her own demise rather than grieving for them. My mother was never one you could talk to but if he’s willing, maybe see if you can at least tell him you understand, ask how he feels , how you can help etc.
It must be terrifying to lose multiple peers.
Why dont you see if you can find him a resource to meet new friends his age.
Maybe there are programs or activities that would interest him in your community or church.
Do do you have any friends with parents that he could meet occasionally?
Help him develop new social outlets.
COPD in itself can be anxiety producing, depending on how difficult his breathing is or how often he has "attacks" air hunger terrifying both to the mind and the body, it can become a vicious cycle pretty quickly if you can't calm down. I'm so sorry you are both going through this.
I understand. My mother, 91, is off the charts for anxiety. But, she is very low tolerance for meds, and a fall risk, and has COPD. So, there's only so much we can do as far as meds.
Tip: For depression, it's very tricky. There is no great testing to figure out which of the major neurotransmitters need to be treated. So, most likely, the doctor will just assume it's serotonin; maybe prescribe Zoloft.. Which may not be the right neurotransmitter to try to treat. Also, with elderly patients, they prescribe low dosages and the meds take up to 3-4 weeks to have any effect.
For anxiety, there are many meds that can help.
Tip: Important to know your father's usual schedule, day and night, so you can tell the doctor when his anxiety is at its worst, when your father leaves his house, when your father drives, when your father sleeps, etc.
Also, is your father generally a low tolerance or a high tolerance person with respect to meds?
Ideally...and that's hard to accomplish....you can end up finding the right anti-anxiety med, to be taken at the right times of day and night, so that the meds do not add a fall risk or daytime drowsiness or driving risk or depressed respiratory (since your father has COPD).
Please let us know what happens after taking your father to a psychiatrist.
Yes, I am assuming that you will do that!
(My mother-in-law’s primary care Dr. is taking her off the Xanax because she doesn’t like the drug at all, period. It had been prescribed by the heart doctor. <sigh>
Best set of luck in a search for something that works!
Xanax is a quick acting med, and lasts maybe 4 hours. At low dosages. And it's the "go-to" anti-anxiety med from many doctors. It's really best for "as needed" when you can feel an anxiety attack coming. Or know that you are walking into a situation that will cause anxiety. It works, short-term. It is not the best treatment for chronic day and night generalized anxiety.
And, also, totally on point comment about the Zoloft. I think I was writing my first comment at the same time you were writing yours.