My grandma passed away 3 weeks ago and I am very depressed. I took care of her to the very end and she was on hospice. Why did she go alone?

Your grandmother wanted to spare you the agony of watching her pass. She knew you loved her (and she loved you - you earned it). She would have done anything she could to prevent causing you pain.

How wonderful that that you were by her side for 9 years— that is what is important, and that you were her best friend too. What a lucky woman she was to have you! You were the incredible grandchild we all dream we could have - and your relationship gave her heaven on earth.

As far as your greedy family, the story is that of the Little Red Hen. These stories were written for a reason—these people are everywhere—and the explanatory lesson helps us recognize them and cope with our disappointment. The cat, the dog and pig refuse to come around and help, but all think somehow they should share evenly in the “bread” in the end.

They can fight and point fingers and cry and fuss. They feel guilty. They are blaming you because they can’t take responsibility for the pain they have wreaked on themselves. You would have welcomed the support that they refused to give. You needed them as much as your grandma did, maybe even more.

Don’t waste any more time concerned with them. They were intentionally absent when you needed helo .

Many of us have lived through this identical (painful) scenario. We understand your justifiable hurt and confusion. Spend your time honoring the memory of your grandmother instead.

At at the end of the day, you can put your head on your pillow and rest, knowing you did the right thing. That is something they will never know.

You are hurting because you lost your best friend. Grief of someone so dear can even be physically painful. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Your grandma would want you to feel her love -and now you need your best friend to help you through this deep pain and she is not here and you feel abandoned. She would never have left you if she had any choice. Her body continued twenty years beyond all expectations - you were part of that miracle.

The energy of her love did not disappear. It is all around you. Let her love shield you now.

She lived longer, better and happier because of you. Feel her warmth, her presence and her guidance as you navigate your grief.

She went when you were not there to spare you that trauma.

You were there when it mattered the most, take heart knowing that for 9 years you were with her and you guys were best friends.

I would let the executor of the will deal with your siblings.

As hard as it is do not give their words any space in your head or heart. They are non existent until they can behave like decent human beings.

Hugs, I am sorry for your loss. May God grant you grieving mercies and peace during this time.

Hugs Jessy
Many slip away when they are alone. It’s like they are waiting for that opportunity. I treasure my last “I love you”. You hold that tight and let the siblings chatter. It’s just noise. They don’t know what they don’t know. Let grandma go. You will miss her but let her know you are strong and you will be fine. One more hug. It just takes time.

So sorry for your loss. Gma did not die alone. I am positive that a spouse or loved one comes for them. Be glad that she went peacefully knowing that she was loved. 101! You must have taken good care of her. You are one of the lucky ones that had this kind of relationship with a grandparent.

Please, don't allow your siblings to get to you. Be better than them. Hopefully, one of Grandma's children was made Executor. Not sure how ur siblings think they are entitled to anything as Grands.

I believe many times our LOs pass when no one is around is because that's the time they feel most comfortable that we'll be ok. That we are able to keep doing life, and they don't need to help us anymore. My MIL was this way. For the 18 years I knew her right up to my final conversation with her while she was in hospice...she was always directing traffic so to speak. Making sure we were doing what we were supposed to, giving us support, the whole nine. My final words exchanged with her was her telling me to get something from the store she needed for the feast she was wanting to cook in heaven. (She was at that crossover stage). My husband's siblings were constantly calling us over whenever they thought it was the end...they wanted everyone around for the final breath. But my MIL waited until there were no "mourners" sitting around her. She waited until everyone was busy with normal life, and we had told her we could all handle everything. She passed with just my FIL asleep in the chair next to her. No crowds, no tears..peacefully.

Sibling stuff can be weird when a LO passes away. Especially if there's some who are looking for their piece of the pie. Let the executor do their thing with the will and let yourself continue to heal for the time.

My dad died when I was 19. He was a man of great faith in God and had a personal relationship with Jesus. My mom stayed at the hospital with him almost constantly and he just would not let go as cancer spread rapidly through his body. This was before hospice and I could see he was suffering. I knew in my heart that Dad wanted to die alone...just him and God. So I convinced my exhausted Mom to come home one night. My dad died that night, about 4 hours after we left the hospital. I think different people have different reasons for wanting to die alone. In my heart, I think my Dad probably had a really awesome passage from this life to the next because of how and when he chose to die. I don't know what I would choose for myself.

My mother waited until I was asleep and then she passed. My brain was so in tune to the sound of her deep breathing that I woke up when it stopped. I don’t feel people really die alone, I believe those that have passed before come and meet them. My mother simply didn’t want to have my last memory of her taking her last breath.

Some things you just have to let go. Bothered me for years that I missed her actual passing (I was 10 ft away but asleep). I am ok with her wishes now.

I feel your pain! I took care of my mom for 12 years while she lived with me. I kept her home until 3 days before she had to be placed in hospice. I, too, watched her die a little each day before my eyes with nothing I could do to make her want to fight. All I can tell you from my experience is that they get so very tired at the end and they want to go and it’s hard for us to accept it and let them go. My mom was my best friend too just as you said your grandma was. It sounds like you had such a special relationship and that’s a treasured memory. I know you’re hurting and I’m sending you a hug! Please consider joining GriefShare (a national group). It’s a wonderful group and a safe place to begin your healing process.❤️

My dad died alone. My mother went in his room to check on him and he was in a coma then she left the room and he passed within an hour we figured. But he wasn't alone and neither was your grandma.


I am sorry for your loss. You are very lucky to have had that kind of relationship with her. You should take comfort in that and I bet your grandma would tell you to get off your butt and live your life. She won't want you to ponder over her! Make her pround! She knows you love her!


Hugs!!

Jessy,
I was with my dad in the hospital day and night after his stroke, for 6 days. I wasn’t getting any rest and finally decided to stay at a friends house for one night. He was stable. I got a call at 4:45 am that he was close. I got there at 5:10 am and he had already passed. That wasn’t how I wanted it to happen.

I was a hospice nurse and I’ve seen patients do that. They wait (I believe) until the family is gone, then pass. It’s like they wanted it that way.
Maybe it’s a private thing. Maybe they are “sparing” us the heartache of watching them die. We will never know in our lifetime.

The main thing with your grandma and my dad is they knew we were there all along. We didn’t leave them alone. They just happened to be without anyone in the room at the time of their passing. She knew you were there for her.

I am sorry for the loss of your beloved grandma. But she would want you to keep on going as you work through your grief.

Big 🤗 hugs to you. Keep her memory alive with remembering your good times together. It will become less painful as time goes on.