It has been 8 years since we brought MIL to live with us. She never cared for me since I married her son, but was OK until last year. She is taking her anger about living out on me now, so my husband has taken over majority of her care. We got a new person three weeks ago to come out and shower her but she started lying to the caregiver saying that I am hitting her and the caregiver is acting strange. My husband told the person that his mother was lying, but the caregiver is acting cold to me. What should we do?
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Has she had cognitive testing?
If she has dementia, then telling MIL to not say such things won’t work.
But I do think having her tested in order to have that documented could be helpful should it become necessary to mount a defense.
Also a physical exam on a routine basis to show that MIL has no bruises etc. might be appropriate.
Your husband might ask the bather if she saw any sign of abuse. This might help the bather feel better about not reporting.
Healthcare workers are mandated reporters.
If your MIL is a malicious liar and not mentally Impaired, then she obviously needs to live elsewhere. I agree that 8 years is way too long to live with someone like this.
Be sure that she is tested for a UTI as many elders act out when they have an infection. Plus UTIs can be toxic. They don’t present in the elderly the same as in a younger person.
She may have no indication that she is infected except for the dementia type acting out.
If she continues to tell lies he has to stick by his guns.
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this is pretty serious stuff. If MIL gets you into trouble..it can get very tough for you fast with APS.
I would even even bring up the fact that if it continues she will have to move to a NH because endangering you is over the line.
While a paid caregiver is a mandated reporter and she must make a report if she notices bruises or other marks on your mother, it’s not her job to judge you or treat you disrespectfully. I would absolutely ask her what the problem is, especially since your husband made a point of telling her that his mother is lying.
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