My 86 yr old uncle is in early stages of Alzheimer's. He's always been one of the sweetest and most good-natured people I've ever known. We were at a party this weekend, and he fell and hit his head, so I accompanied him and his wife to the ER, because I knew they would need support and a 2nd set of ears (she's elderly and overwhelmed most of the time). While going through triage, my uncle was clearly confused and even forgot how he had hit his head (he seemed to not recall being at a party). So, I began to contribute some information about him (his wife wasn't even speaking up), and he suddenly turned on me! He was yelling at me with rage and anger, telling me to get out; that I was not helping! In all my years, I'd never seen him behave like that, nor speak to anyone in this way. It was absolutely devastating to me. I quietly got up and extricated myself from the hospital. I spent the remainder of the day in tears.
11 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Regarding your years of being abused, you have my deepest sympathies. I am just so sorry for you, or anyone, who finds themself in that predicament. I pray you will never be in that type of relationship again! Peace...
ADVERTISEMENT
His brain is broken. Folks with dementia often perseverate on things (go back to them over and over again). Some folks become paranoid, have delusions and in many ways, act in ways that mimic mental illness.
The good news is that many of these symptoms of dementia can be helped by medication. But your aunt needs to talk to uncle's doctor, or to a geriatric psychiatrist, or to the neurologist who is treating his dementia about these symptoms. She must not live in fear like this.
One of my uncles was the dearest, most gentle man you ever met. He and my aunt lived far away from family. We knew he had dementia, but aunt put a good face on things. One of their adult kids paid a surprise visit while on a business trip.
He found his mother black and blue, beaten by his dad, who had begun to wander (they lived near a freeway). Aunt would not give up the key to let him out, so he beat her. She said that she would never allow him to go to a facility, because he would die there.
Her adult children placed their dad in a secure memory unit. Aunt dropped dead of a heart attach about a week after he was placed. He lived there quite happily for quite some time.
Please put your aunt in touch with the Alzheimer's Association and get her to reach out for help. And maybe send her here for support as well.
Your story about your aunt and uncle was a tragic one. What a sad, sad scenario. I'm so sorry. It does remind me of what's going on over at my uncle's place. I have been reaching out to offer them help and support, but she always turns me down. I think she doesn't want me to see what's truly going on over there, because I would then tell their adult children that it's time for them to downsize to an assisted living apartment.
So, wisk away those tears, your Uncle didn't mean what he said. Remember you all were in the ER, at triage, and hospitals are filled with different sights and sounds. Your Uncle wanted to put on a brave front, and didn't want to feel like he was the "patient".
How is he doing? Hopefully this was a minor injury. Thank goodness you went with him and his wife, I bet your Aunt was glad you were there.
Regarding his injury, believe it or not, he only suffered a superficial head wound and 4 staples. Thank God it was nothing more serious. However, he was still falling down when trying to stand on the following day, so I'm expecting that this is not the last of this kind of incident for him. I'm afraid for his safety.
It was nice that you were there to help him and your aunt. Stress and unfamiliar situations also make people act poorly. You did a good thing which you should feel good about.
Do your best to put it in perspective and put this behind you.
His MRI scans or CT images will provide you insight into which areas are still functioning, and insight into if this his behavior in the ER is his true personality. For future analysis, perhaps remember, If it happens one time it's an oops, more than once equates to a pattern. Talk with his wife, to privately ask if his ER behavior was something that surprised her. No matter how wonderful he was in your past, support her responses. The best abusers are masters at deception. Serial Killers are usually described as being "nice and quiet" Jeffrey Dahmer was described as a peaceful man, who loved eating gourmet caesar salads. Meanwhile he was murdering victims and snacking on their human meat skeletons.
Also if anger is truly part of the disease, then why is it anger that always appears and not raging kindness.
i feel that because of his fall and the hit on his head, along with his confusion and memory loss directly after the hit to his head, that it sounds like he may have a head injury. Now, I’m definitely not a doctor and the ER folks probably did a CT of his head to rule out a head injury but it’s quite possible that is why he acted the way he did. Especially since his behavior was so out of the ordinary. Hopefully he is okay either way. Now, people with dementia and/or Alzheimer’s, are prone to fits of anger and lashing out to loved ones or caregivers. My mom has late stage Alzheimer’s and she lives with my husband and I and she has violent behavior at times. The disease makes the person very unpredictable. Good luck.
Believe it or not, all tests at the ER came back as normal for my uncle that day. But as some other folks have suggested on this thread, he may have been overwhelmed and confused by the whole ordeal. His behavior towards me was disproportionate to whatever I had said or done, and he went from 0-100 out of nowhere! That's the part of all this that seems most like an Alzheimer's outburst. I guess it was a combination of things that set him off. Sadly, I have since learned that he's still raging over me! He hasn't let it go, and I haven't even seen him since. Barb (below) said the word for that is perseverate - to keep going over the same thing, over and over. Apparently, it's common.
1. He was frightened. Almost everyone gets that way in the ER.
2. He possibly is aware that he is having memory problems and was/is embarrassed by this.
About the only thing you can do if he raises his voice to you again is talk calmly to him, use a quiet voice and just reassure him.
Does he have or do they have anyone that sees them often or someone that will be able to help them "navigate" doctor visits and any further ER visits? If so that person should be a constant so they will have a familiar face when they have appointments. And this person can make sure that all the doctors are aware of medications and any other important information for continuity of care.