Find Senior Care (City or Zip)
Join Now Log In
A
anonymous499633 Asked May 2019

How to you cope with limited space when living with an elderly person?

We moved my mother in our home 1 week ago. She has a large bedroom with a tv. And a living room space to her self. She is constantly in the room where my husband and I are watching tv and relaxing, which is fine but she talks constantly and you cannot relax or watch a movie, the news or anything. I have given multiple hints that we are watching a show and she just keeps talking during the show.. we can only have peace after she goes down for the night! I’m dying already... please help!

JoAnn29 May 2019
There is a post from 2017 where you ask about "complaining". I am assuming it had to do with Mom. This should have been a sign for future problems.

Mom is lonely. A week is not long enough for an adjustment on both your parts. Seems subtle is not working. Explain to her you have no problem in her sitting with you, but this is your downtime to relax and watch your shows. You really don't want to carry on a conversation. Thats for another time.

debbiesdaz May 2019
She wants your attention.  She is like a child in her thinking.  Turn your TV off and give her that attention.  Take her out for ice cream or a drive.  Get her involved with social things that you enjoy also.  If these don't appeal to you, then see what a support group has to offer to you as advice.  Get into the support group NOW.  Don't wait until you want to pull your hair out.  If this behavior is already affecting you this way, it will only get worse as time goes on and you might be looking at this for YEARS to come.  If you can afford this financially, seek independent living for her in a small apartment complex that offers some assistance with meds and bathing, or see if you can get in a part-time assistant to help occupy your mom while you and your husband have some alone time to cope with your end of the day's time together.  Involve any person who can help you and give all of you a break from each other.  I am in the process of lining up summer events that are starting to take off with this current Memorial Day weekend that heralds the start of "summer".  I pick out stuff that I can take my mom to that doesn't involve a bunch of money to spend, that she can handle for short durations of time, that gets her out and about but doesn't interfere with her meds and meal times.  It takes planning and I have been at this for more than 3 years, so it requires a rhythm to get in to, but it is doable.  You and your husband may have to give each other an hour's break from your mom at first until you get into this rhythm.  See what your church has to offer as well.  See what your community has to offer in community sponsored events.  They are out there.  Check out what the local library has on tap as well.  Good luck!

ADVERTISEMENT


Ohioguy1 May 2019
I'm just about a mirror image of your situation. Live in Cleveland wife and I are 72 years old. She is in about year five of dementia. She is in pretty good health, but dosnt have any idea of where she is, who she is, or what is currently going on.
I'm her sole caregiver, no family or kids around. The wife also talks non-stop all day long. From bedtime of 7pm to awake ar 5am. I also cannot watch tv or do anything without the constant babble and constantly repeating the same questions over and over and over. I've learned to concentrate on a program and ignore the background talking or just constantly shaking my head yes or just saying yes every few seconds.
Recently I have been using headphones to listen to movies or the tv. You have to be very alert if using them. Don't know what the wife is up to if you can't hear her. She will wander away outdoors. (Use chain locks on the inside when home). Or will get into the fridge and dump the condiment jars or whatever out inside the fridge or the floors. (Bought childproof door straps at Home Depot).
I expect the non-stop talking will go on until the next stage of the illness. Non of us know when that will happen. I recently signed up with a sitting service for two days a week at two hours each day so I can do our shopping and errands. If I get finished a half hour before my time is up that day I'll just go get a coffee or sit in car just to enjoy the peace and quiet. Then it starts all over again until my next break.
JoAnn29 May 2019
Isn't there something her doctor can give her. This is almost like an anxiety.
JenniferLeigh May 2019
Most houses these days are designed for a single family. They aren't designed for multiple generations to have separate living spaces and privacy. That leaves you in a pickle. Of course she wants to spend time with you. She needs companionship. You and your husband need time alone.

For this to work you're going to have to stop hinting and call a family meeting to come to some agreements that you can all live with. The thing is, it's her home now, too!

I don't have any solutions. My house is one where you can hear everything from end to end, very little privacy. I'm an introvert and need time alone to recharge. I don't even like having house guests! Having someone else living here permanently would be very, very hard.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter