In the early stages of dementia did anyone’s husband stop having sex or being affectionate when they had previously been ok?

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Els1eL Asked May 2019

In the early stages of dementia did anyone’s husband stop having sex or being affectionate when they had previously been ok?

I am almost sure that my husband has dementia of one sort having watched both my parents suffer from Alzheimer’s and Vascular Dementia.

He doesn’t communicate so often with me as he used to and I feel very lonely as a result. He forgets appointments even when they are written down and I remind him. I have to double check the security of the house before going to bed because he has often left his keys on the outside of the front door! He doesn’t remember things a minute after I have said them, makes inappropriate remarks in company at times, talks in a funny voice about things he sees etc. We rarely make love anymore. He is not so affectionate as he used to be. He gets very engrossed in what he wants to do, hides himself away in his computer room most evenings. However, he can put on a great display of behaving well in front of others.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Dementia Behaviors Sex

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score 2 · Answer 1

You need to get your husband to a doctor to be evaluated. Sounds like Dementia to me but could be other things too. He needs labs done and a good physical to rule out other things.

To be honest, it would be hard for me to be intimate with someone who has no interest.

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Thanks JoAnn29. He has been to the Dr and had bloods done to rule out other things and the Dr also followed up to give him a short term memory test. He failed on two things so he says and the Dr said to comeback in 6 months if there was a deterioration! My husband wouldn’t let me attend the appointment with him and so would have felt terrible discussing all the worries about his behaviour in front of him. Now I’m feeling like I should make an appointment on my own to discuss my husband with the same Dr. However, that makes me feel very disloyal. I’m at my wit’s end really.
My husband has been in denial for so long that I was surprised that he even went to the Dr at all.

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score 2 · Answer 2

I'm not in the situation personally, but went to a seminar for caregivers those with Parkinson's. They were talking about some of the overlap, too, between dementia and Parkinson's. Anyway, they were saying that the interest in sex does go down with either of these conditions. They said sometimes, though, it's more the expectations that are daunting. They said to be up front in telling the partner that you only want to cuddle, or that you only want to be naked with your partner, or you only want to lay in bed with your partner... if there are absolutes about performance, it can sometimes make it easier to be more affectionate, from what they said. Basically, there were encouraging Partners to talk with each other upfront, when you're out of the moment, to be specific about needs and expectations.

I hope this helps!

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Thank you for your good advice Joanies.

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score 2 · Answer 3

I hope you get some good answers to this one. My husbands cognitive impairment began all at once after an accident so yes, we stopped having sex all at once but it's not the same thing at all. Here's an article I found at alzheimers society. I know it's more helpful to hear from actual people in the trenches with you but in case they're busy today this is at least something. https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/daily-living/sex-intimacy-dementia (that's in the UK by the way, not that it really matters but that's where google led me)

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Thank you Faeriefiles. I’ll certainly have a look.

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In the early stages of dementia did anyone’s husband stop having sex or being affectionate when they had previously been ok?

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