Fortunately we put my sister in a good facility but now they are asking me to take my sister to an important doctor appointment where they are evaluating her heart. I live over 8 hours away. (We have no other family in the area.) I can't go home right now because of my own doctor appointments which I can't cancel. The assisted living facility has aides who could take my sister but they will have to take off half a day, which they don't want to do for some reason. This is the first time this has come up. My sister will probably need heart surgery down the road and I will go home for that but I can't start running home to take her to the doctor. I should add that my car is old and I don't trust it on long trips. I also feel that the assisted living facility should be responsible for this, not me. I have other issues. My husband and I pay all my sisters bills with no help from my brother. I frankly resent this. My husband and I scrimped and saved for our retirement and have lived a very frugal life. My sister never saved a nickel for her retirement and it bothers me that we have to bail her out yet again. I have been helping to support her for over 40 years. One other problem - her medical bills are a nightmare to deal with. Many providers will only bill to Medicaid if you call them. In the past I unwittingly paid bills that I should not have. I have also gotten "scam" bills which were not owed. I am constantly having to call and at times fight with people to get these bills paid. Also my sister is still driving. I have tried to get her doctor or the assisted living facility to take her keys away - they won't do it. Meanwhile, she let her drivers license expire and lost her cell phone. I had to get on her to get her car inspected last year. I feel I am constantly putting out fires. I did try support groups and did not find them very helpful. thanks for listening. Lolli
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No, the AL does not have the power to take her keys away. She is a resident and can make her own decisions. I don't understand why Drs. are so reluctant to take Dementia people off the roads. I think once there is a diagnosis they should be tested regularly.
I really don't understand why you have so much trouble with Drs. offices billing Medicaid if they except it. It should be automatic. Is ur sister on Medicare? It should be Medicare, and then balance is sent to the secondary insurance which is Medicaid. If straight Medicaid, then thats who they bill. I have never paid anything for my nephew. Between Medicare and Medicaid all his doctor bills are paid. That goes for dental and vision.
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It sounds odd to me that your facility can’t get your sis to a doctor appointment. Most places will do this for a reasonable fee. If not, you can hire any number of VISITING ANGELS type services to do this. It’s usually $20 an hour or so with a 3 hour minimum.
Ive had to make dozens of trips through the years dealing with everything imaginable. But I was fortunate to have just retired when all this started and my folks had the funds for a private pay facility.
I would also suggest questioning some of these medical appointments. Are they really necessary? My moms docs, and there were many, scheduled a ridiculous amount of appointments and follow ups. So poor mom would get hauled to the cardio office, sit around for a couple hours and be told she was fine, come back next month. Most docs don’t give the least thought to the hardships of getting elderly people to appointments.
Remember, you are in charge and will make the decisions. Sis may not like it but if you’re taking care of all her affairs it’s your call. Include her in discussions if she’s mentally able but in the end do what you have to do. My mom hated it when I became the parent but we had no choice.
I understand what you’re going through. There were many times when I started to wonder if I’d outlive my parents. They never cooperated on any issues. It was always done kicking and screaming. At one point I even considered walking away and turning them over the the state. But I’ve gotten through it and it’s settled down now.
You need to save for your retirement.
Check into a Geriatric Care Manager to monitor sis as needed. Are you guardian or POA for sis? You can relinquish that to the state which will then step in to figure out sister's needs and care.
You need to take care of you.
Have the DMV write a letter to the facility stating that she is no longer able to drive and they need to take her keys. If they don’t do it and something happens, it’s on them for going against direct orders.
Facility billing is a nightmare no matter which facility it is. We all deal with it. That’s why I used to have to set aside a half hour to examine my mom’s statements with a magnifying glass. Make sure you get a completely itemized statement from them.
Also, consider your sister may be ready to move on to more care. The more intensive the care she gets, the less responsibility you will have.