Mom accuses me of mismanaging her meds. Any advice?

Yes, I am familiar with your other threads. I know you have your hands full. How is your dad doing? Does he realize that she is moving the pills?

Unfortunately she will progress in her dementia. Sometimes what is a problem now passes as her abilities decline. Remember that what she says is what she believes.
So if she says you are messing up the pills, just go along with that. It does no good to reason with her.
“I may be mom, that’s why we are going to use this new pill box. I got DH one also. I don’t want to be making mistakes on either of your meds. It’s too important.”

But as I say that, I also remember that my aunt, 92, would occasionally flush hers. We had to sit with her until she swallowed them and ask her to leave them on the table if she suddenly needed to go to the bathroom. If I suspected she had flushed them, I waited a bit and took her bp. If it was high, I knew she hadn’t taken them. I try very hard not to be bossy or too invested that she follow my rules. They hate that. I try to position myself as her partner in helping her to get what she needs.

Doubling up or not taking them are both problematic, I would get one of the auto pill dispensers we got my mom, it's a round container with a clear top and there is a card that lets you know what day and dose (various card options) so if she takes morning and evening for instance the slot for Mom morn says that and Mon Eve says that. She can see all of the slots with the meds in them so she can check your work but she can't get any dose until it's time (you set the time) and the clear top rotates to expose the pills that should be taken a little red light flashes and it beeps until the thing is turned upside down so the pills come out, we have Mom dump them into a glass but that's because otherwise she will leave them in her hand for an hour. Blame it on you, this way you can check yourself and so can Mom, it's clear and easy. Now if she is throwing pills away and not taking them this may or may not help, if she's doing it because she thinks you gave her too many or because she already took her pills this will keep that clear for her so...I bought my mom's on Ebay and saved quite a bit but it would have been well worth the price of new too.

Abby
About the hearing aids. My husband just got his a few months ago. He says they are very difficult to get used to. The adjustments did help my husband but still difficult.
It may be too late for her with the hearing aids and her degree of dementia.
Dont forget when she acts out that a UTI is always suspect and of course the double dosing could be causing a problem.

Hi Abby
There is a thread going on right now where different med boxes are being suggested that provide more control over access.
You can tell mom whatever you need to. Someone is taking them. We need to protect the children... whatever. I hired a daily aide to dispense my aunts meds when she started skipping but the right pill box might give you a bit more time before you have to take stronger action.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/help-with-medicine-control-449273.htm?orderby=recent

If meds are going missing either mom is ingesting too many of the wrong meds at the wrong times, which could be dangerous; or someone is stealing her meds. Depending on what medications she's taking and who is in and out of the house that is a plausible theory. Either way, it's probably time to lock down the meds and figure out a new method of dosing her.