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UtahMtnGirl Asked June 2019

Long distance caregiving and mean Parent. Any advice?

I am only child so I own the brunt of my mothers anger, and nasty comments. i live in another state and recently had to make the decision to place my mother into a group home close to her friends and church in Las Vegas which is in another state. I have no additional support to help me move her items (hoarder_) into storage there and running around to make her as comfortable as possible. I get constant texts attacking and nastiness yet i am trying to keep in mind that she is lashing out due to vulnerability, scared and afraid as she is on hospice for her CHF. Its became a Facebook attack from her friends and nasty comments and PM to me and up to including threats to call the cops like I had done something horrible to my mother. They don't realize she has been in and out of hospitals and weekly EMT calls to her apartment with one resulting in shoulder replacement surgery and the other a stroke. I would love to have my mom be able to live by herself. but it not a safe thing and i cant keep taking time out of my job and my finaces to keep coming down every week. and feeling so beat up by the time I leave to go home. I am exhausted and need help that things will get better. I know i made the right decision I pray for my mom to let go of the stuff and live while she can. it breaks my heart.

Ahmijoy Jun 2019
I agree. Take a break from Facebook. My son left permanently. Open another account under an alias if you cannot go without a social media fix. Shovel that negativity out of your life. When you start to read s text and it is nasty, immediately go to the “edit” function and delete. You are not obligated to expose yourself to this and you shouldn’t. As for storing Mom’s stuff, how much of it will she ever use again? Most cities have residential dumpster rentals for under $300. Find a cleaning company that specializes in “trash outs” or move-outs and have them come close down her house. If you have POA or are on her accounts, use HER money for this. On your next trip, pack up any heirlooms or personal effects/financial records/ etc. and leave the rest. She will probably not need lots of furniture, clothing or kitchenware.

Do what makes it easy for YOU. Leave the negativity on Facebook, but, in a post they are sure to read, remind those people that if their comments become threatening or derogatory against you, an attorney will be happy to educate them about slander.
Isthisrealyreal Jun 2019
Ahmijoy, I think they are already derogatory and that is part of the upset.
Isthisrealyreal Jun 2019
Hugs! Social media can be a nasty place to be when people only hear one side of a situation.

Let it go, unfriend all these people that think she should be able to die alone suffering from a break. Yeah, that's a good plan, huh?

You did the best you could, you know that. Just keep remembering that.

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