83 yo husband with mod/severe dementia- SIL just retired and wants to visit husband. I totally don't trust him to visit when I’m not at home.

When you say "We have never had a great relationship with this man".... who is the man? Your husband's brother? I'm confused.... is your husband's daughter in his will? I have this feeling that might be what this is about-- a child feeling entitled to her father's inheritance and now with declining health and dementia they want to make sure to get a piece of that pie. It's so disgusting how inheritance brings out the greed in people.

I agree with the others, protect yourself. Keep all of your paperwork with you and don't allow visits if you are not present. Have a doctor sign that your husband is not competent to sign anymore legal paperwork.

Please say u have POA. Get doctor to write a letter saying that husband is incompetent to make his own decisions. Take the letter and a copy of ur POA to the bank and ask them to put it on file. Ask if you can have your signature as the only one that can be used on your accounts. (Because of Medicaid, I would not take husband off any accts). If u have a family lawyer, same thing.

Like said, hide all important papers. Get a lockbox for that purpose. Take husbands SS card and anything else like that and put it in ur purse.

Is there someone with DH the two days you work? If not, either take the two days off or have someone come in.

I think your concerns are real. Its important that u protect yourself.

Who's looking after your husband when you're at work? Is your stepdaughter planning to come too or just SIL on his ownsome?

This might be the time to put nannycams into your house, to make a record of what has been said to you husband when you are out. Yes take out all the paperwork, but the real problem is clearly what they might talk him into signing now. I hope that you have all the paperwork in place (will, POA, HIPPA etc), and if appropriate something from the Doctor to say that he is no longer legally competent to change any of them.

Do you have a safe? You can get a small one for around 40.00 at Walmart, fire safe. Good idea to keep important documents in one anyway.

I would notify the bank and ask them to help you protect your family finances by keeping husband from having solo access to money. Let them tell you what your options are.

Another idea to know if he is snooping, short of hidden cameras, sprinkle salt on things that he would likely snoop through, it's invisible, but you can feel it, so no salt equals moved items. Maybe keep anything that is none of their business in the trunk.

You can also say that visits need to be scheduled and that is just how it is, dropping in is to confusing to husband and his wellbeing is your main concern. Or you could schedule to drop him off at their house for a day while you are working, make sure to lock all the doors and if they ever had a key, I would re-key all the locks.

Do you have the POAs for your husband? Has he been officially diagnosed? These are important things to have in case they try any shenanigans.

I am sorry that you have to worry about their motives on top of dealing with your husband's illness.