My father passed away 5 years ago. My mother is now 91 years old and has been very depressed for the past 5 years. Her psychologist has told me she is a little girl who never grew up. My Father did everything for her. Up until now my mother has lived independently in her own home. With my help. My brother and I take her everywhere. She does not drive.
The past month she has been admitted to ER 3 times for not taking her medication and dehydration. The 3rd time she had a mini-stroke. Fortunately, it didn't leave her with any paralysis. However, she is very weak and is a fall risk. The doctors at the hospital told us that she needs rehab and needs to eat to get stronger so they suggested a SNF. She has been there a week and is refusing PT. I feel so guilty about placing her there. I cry everyday (but she doesn't know that). She calls me crying and upset everyday. My brother and I have been seeing her every other day. So in the past 1 weeks she has had visitors almost every day. The facility is very organized and clean. The nurses and staff are taking good care of her.
Before all this happened, we tried hiring in-home care and she fires them as fast as we can hire them. I have also tried Meals on Wheels and several other food services but she doesn't like the food. She was also laying in bed at home not getting up.
I'm so confused and upset. Not sure what to do now! It's effecting my sleep and attitude. My husband is very understanding but...
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I would also take the phone away. Her being able to call u and upsetting u is not good for either of u. Mom needs to realize she need to do what needs to be done to go home. If there is Dementia, of course she won't understand.
Really sorry, but this is what we all end up facing when it comes to our elderly parents. She is 91 and no longer able to care for herself. Its now what she needs, not want she wants.
You are doing the right thing by getting you mom the care she needs.
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I think being the daughter I get more of the quilt trip than my brother. As she said to me the other day, "Dad and I were so happy when you were born first." I asked why, her answer, "Girls are born to take care of their parents when they get old."
I realize what she is doing but somehow I need to let it go.
From someone who is caring for an elderly parent in the home, I urge you to NOT let this be your situation. You might imagine that having the stimulation of family being near and lovingly taken care of will ease things for you and your mother. I would predict that given your description of your mother's depression and mildf dementia, you will simply find yourself in the position of an unpaid nurse/maid. Medications will become a source of contention and stress.
It sounds to be as if you have your mother in a clean, competent SNF. You are visiting her and making sure she is well-cared for. You are doing a great job of seeing to her needs, making sure she is safe and healthy, and showing her love and respect.