How do we approach the talk about assisted living ?

When it seemed to me that Mom might be better off selling her home and move it to an Independent Living situation, we weren’t sure how to broach the subject. Then her best girlfriend tripped over a rug at her apartment, broke a hip, was hospitalized and died rather unexpectedly. That gave us the window of having “the talk” with Mom regarding her safety. After 2 “talks” Mom thought it was a great idea to move. Maybe safety could be the cornerstone of your discussion. A recent loss of any of their friends might be food for thought. All the assisted or independent facilities we investigated accepted pets. The residents had to be able to care for them, either personally or hire someone to do it.

What does mom say when you tell her that she is endangering her dogs by not letting them do their business in the fenced in backyard?

Have you addressed how terrible it would be if they got run over right in front of her because of the choices she's making?

I think that finding a nice place that you think they would be able to live at and taking them there for lunch or dinner and a tour. Usually going to the business office you can by meal tickets for about 60% of the price they charge in the dining room.

Make a big deal about all the benefits, meals prepared, housekeeping, laundry services, transportation, etc. and just make it sound like the best idea ever.

I told my dad he would finally have servants. He enjoyed that idea, because that hit his button. Your parents have theirs, so no shame in pushing them to the hilt to get them safe.

I’ve got in trouble before for putting people needs over dogs, but here goes again. If the dogs are an important part of the problem, at least consider finding somewhere else for the dogs to go. Then leave the gate open and say they got out and can’t be found. (Now I duck!)

Benny, you may want to think about Independent Living as your parents may not be ready for Assisted Living/Memory Care. There are senior living facilities that have all three levels of care. And there are "optional care" that one can order at a cost. In my area, Assisted Living was around $6k per month. The monthly rent included weekly linen service, weekly housekeeping, and one meal in the main dining room. This can vary from facility to facility.

My Dad had a really nice 2 bedroom apartment in Independent Living, he used the equity from his house sale to pay the rent. It was his idea to move as he was so tired of trying to maintain a single family home being he was in his 90's. Plus he was a major fall risk. And all those stairs in that house.

Later on, the facility said it was time for my Dad to move into Memory Care. I used a theraputic fib to tell Dad this would be cheaper and that perked up Dad's ears, he loved saving money. He would joke about his new college dorm room :)

Now, when my Mom was still alive, she refused big time to move, even though she was in her late 90's, and of course my Dad wouldn't move without her. She thought senior living was for old people. Ah HELLO !! Mom wouldn't budge, so sadly we had to wait until there was a medical emergency, thus 911, hospital, rehab, long-term-care. Oh how Dad wished Mom would have listened to reason... [sigh].

Dogs are allowed in many of the Independent Living facilities. Usually the residents had hired "dog walkers" to take the dogs out to do their business. The dogs I saw at my Dad's facility were very quiet.