So, my Brother flew up from Florida to stay with me and dad for a week. He's been recently diagnosed with dementia and I've taken a LOA from my work in Florida and moved to Michigan to stay with dad and try to figure out a plan as to whether I'm staying here or bringing dad back to Florida with me. I am his POA as well. So since I've been here (late April) I've used up my PTO from work. Dad fully understands that I'm not making any money and is willing to and we have agreed, for him to pay me $500/week for 24 hr. care. I've been working on getting my POA in place and its been insinuated that I not use Dad's money to pay for my bills. That's when I got with an attorney and had a "caregiver" contract drawn up. I also had to have the POA rewritten because his orig was done up as a "springing" and the banks didn't like that, so we did a "general" POA. Thursday brother flies in, me, dad and brother meet with the lawyer to sign the new POA/CAREGIVER papers. And everything went to SH*T. (sorry). Brother ended up getting added to the POA and refused to sign the CG papers. Says that it'll use up all of dads $$ (of which he has plenty) and instead, dad can come to Florida to live with him, and he won't have to pay. oh and being that my brother/sister-in-law are semi retired and in early 70's, when he works she will care for him. And I can go back to work, as if nothing happened, and I can visit dad anytime, he would only be 3 hrs away.
First....I am the one dad chose for his POA, what he did I felt was dirt sneaky, using dad's memory loss as an advantage. So now it reads me "or" him.
second...I've been the main caregiver and know all about dad more so and he's more comfortable with ME.
THIRD...if dad doesn't want to go to Florida, I may have to stay in Mich with him for the winter (not crazy about that). Brother insists he go...good luck!
and lastly.....I feel I've been blindsided...the current plan is to drive dad back to Florida with me, I get him settled and familiar and maybe into the senior center, I go back to work, possible part time and he's with me primarily. Dad can visit brother, which gives me a break, but not the plan he's thinking.
so...the caregiver contract, he's not agreeing with, doesn't want to sign it, and says he has to think about it. I explained to him that I did this so that I'm not accused of taking dads $$ and paying my bills with it, and we all know what I'm getting, nothing more. It's just a security for me, and its for our own records. If he flat out says he's not agreeing, can he prohibit dad from paying me? Dad and I agreed on this a month ago (when he was more competent), it's not a lot, and dad can afford it.
He's concerned, I get it, but it's dad's money to take care of dad. he gets $4000 a month, total bills for the year are 17000.00. That's it! No Debt whats so ever, everything is paid off, house/car....so...I say, it doesn't matter, dad and I will continue to do as we've been doing, he pays me weekly, I care for him, and hopefully next month we will be heading south, if not, then I continue my personal leave from work, possibly quitting, and stay with dad thru the winter. I have nothing really holding me in Florida, not in a relationship, kids married and moved away, I am the one that has always come to visit dad every year, and when he's been hospitalized, not my brother. It's always been ME, never him(or my other brother), I'm the youngest, and I know that dad chose me because of that, and I'm more responsible and definitely more dependable. Any suggestions???
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Don’t force your dad to “try” living with them - no need to hurt Dad like that just to prove the point - that it is hard work that they are not truly interested in providing.
$500 is extremely reasonable for 24/7 care. You would not likely be able to hire caregivers willing to work for such a low rate. I realize that you are willing to accept this because you love your dad and would do anything for him, but are unable to survive financially without the income.
Nevertheless, protect yourself legally from the financial devastation of future lawsuits (probably brought after your Dad’s lifetime). From this point forward, you will not have a relationship with your brother (and you will be better than fine).
You said your Dad was recently diagnosed with dementia, so I’m expecting that his dementia is mild and early. If that is not the case, this plan below will not work.
if allowed in Michigan, ask the lawyer for a competency hearing before a probate judge - during the hearing your Dad can also sign the agreement and (if your Dad chooses) revoke your brother as POA. If your Dad signs these documents at any earlier or later time, even directly after the hearing, this will not be as effective protection for you.
For a small cost (to your dad), hire a payroll company to cut your checks and withhold your taxes, etc so that as POA, you are not directly writing those “employment” checks to yourself.
I wish you you the best and admire your willingness to step up for your dad. Most people are not willing to do that.
If you take dad to Florida, plan on being his 24/7/365 caregiver. Your brother has already started back peddling on taking care of dad. I bet his wife told him he shouldn't be offering her services.
Have dad sign the caregiver contract and continue what you are doing, you may be better off staying away from brother and his opinions.
If your dad had 2 doctors sign that he was incompetent the new POA is not valid. I would speak with a different attorney and find out exactly how this works. It is a mess at this point and you want to verify that you as POA can do a caregiver contract with yourself, if the new POA is even valid, which I seriously doubt, and how to protect yourself and dad from your brother jumping in the middle of things making your life harder.
Best of luck getting this all sorted so you can say, sorry bro. I am the POA, period, end of discussion. Love you and all is well with dad, let's leave it that way.
Direct him to the information that moving and change is REALLY difficult for dementia patients. This is about dad and his wellbeing, not your brother's inheritance.
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So, I feel that because dad and I had this agreement on him paying me, then we will continue this. And I will continue to keep record of all the transactions in case anyone wants to know. I just wanted it in writing because brother has insinuated that I had better not use dads money for my bills. He's worried that dad will run out of money and not be able to maintain his home, and as I've explained , dad has plenty and will still be able to maintain his home and then some. he might not have the huge nest egg that he currently has, but he will have his monthly income. It's just a mess. It's not that hard to understand, I'm just trying to get brother to understand. And like I had said before, the Orig POA was done in 2007, and now we have the new one with him on it, I feel like he took advantage of dads memory loss. Dad has told me numerous times," You are my Advocate, POA, and you know what to do, the "boys" don't. " and yet, here we are. :(
Your father still rules. Just because a general POA is in place doesn't mean you brother has management of his life against his will. The POA is delegated authority, legally given by your father, in accomplishing matters for him when he can't. Talk with your father and continue with what you two have decided.