I need help finding time for everyone and advice on time management when caring for more than one loved one?

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Mashmisty85 Asked June 2019

I need help finding time for everyone and advice on time management when caring for more than one loved one?

For the past year I have been living during the week at my Grandparent's house, solely taking care of my Grandfather (cooking, cleaning, meds, bills, appointments etc), meanwhile I have a 12 year old son and long term boyfriend 30 minutes away and I see them in the weekends. Then I care part time for my boyfriend's parents going to doctors appointments picking up meds changing bandages and some hygiene things for the both of them. My Gpa, has severe COPD, emphazema and dementia. (Beginning stages), my grandma handled everything that had to do with money or household things and he worked as he has a 4th grade education. She passed away 9 years ago. At first everyone in the family started being greedy and only cared about money. (Sad but true), my aunt did his finances and my mother taught him laundry and meds stuff like that. He has two life insurances and those two are supposed to handle all this stuff but it just seems like all they all care about is money. No one stops to see him unless they want money. My grandma had eight kids GPA adopted three of them my mom included. I can't get any help from anyone. He asked me last year to move in he is afraid he is going to stop breathing and no one will be here or find him. My boyfriend and I have been having some issues and we were separating anyhow, so I agreed. However, the problem is that my boyfriend and I didn't split up and decided our relationship was worth fighting for. Fast forward to now. Grandpa gets upset anytime I leave the house. My boyfriend makes me feel like I am doing the wrong thing. Anytime I leave Grandpa texts me it's emergency and needs me to be there. My boyfriend refuses to come spend time with me at Grandpa's and is overly jealous of Gpa and makes rude comments about only caring about GPA. Then I go to pt 3 times a week for my own illnesses. I have no time at all and cannot leave GPA alone for more than two days. I have told my boyfriend numerous times that this is my sacrifice and I want him to go out and enjoy life if he doesn't want this life. What should I do? Not one person asks me how I feel, I just get complaints from everyone I am not around enough.

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score 2 · Answer 1

Sorry but I don’t consider your boyfriend to be overly jealous. You have a child your only see on the weekend ? Time to get GPA some place to live with staff to help him. You aren’t being fair to your child nor your boyfriend. His own children need to step in . If not call the council on aging , if he’s in the hospital tell them if his living arrangement, that you are not capable of helping him. He’s not safe by himself but it’s more than you can handle

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score 1 · Answer 2

Hugs!

This is the perfect opportunity to get some professional help set up for g'pa. Talk to the social worker at the hospital and ask for help. They can direct you.

How are you doing? How is grandpa?

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score 1 · Answer 3

Well, one thing is a given and that is that you CANNOT not SHOULD NOT continue on as it is now, else you'll be good to no one. Change must be made and you need a life, else you drop over and faint. I did see your update about grandpa having a heart attack and I'm sorry for that. I truly am. Big ((( ))) Hugs going out to you right now. You must let his children step up to the plate for caregiving. Good gosh!!

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score 2 · Answer 4

I am super overwhelmed today Grandpa had a massive heart attack over the weekend while I was gone camping with the family, I feel horrible. My uncle just came back from being out of state for two years and says he is willing to take some of the load, however his new wife seems like she may need more of his attention, I have a hard time trusting anyone else in the family to help with him as the have proven they are not going to give him what he needs or help themselves to his meds/money. I am thinking it's time to have some professional help a few days a week. Thank you all for your support

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Oh, Misty.....BIG hugs to you. Grandpa might not be released to his home unless there is 24/7 care. Do NOT be bamboozled into saying you will do it. He is his children’s responsibility, not his grandchild’s.

Sending prayers of strength to you.

(4)

score 4 · Answer 5

How are you feeling, Misty? Overwhelmed & under appreciated I am sure. First is to get your priority list rearranged in this order: you, your son, your BF, your dad. BF parent(s) aren’t even on the list because they aren’t your problem. If BF isn’t the one you think you will be spending the rest of your life with, then switch him with your dad. If you don’t rearrange the priority list, then the universe will do it for you.

You are one person — and one person can’t do it all. No one else is stepping up because you’re trying to do it all. Like so many others on this forum, it starts out as helping. Then it takes a life of its own & we feel there is no way out. Yes there is; you just need to accept that no one will be happy about it. And how is that different than now when no one is happy? Only that YOU will be less exhausted.

Easier said than done. We all know that. Cheering you on & sending hugs from CT.

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score 1 · Answer 6

Is your son also 30 minutes away when you are caring for your grandfather? If not, who is he with? The boyfriend can figure out his life. He is an adult. Perhaps Grandpa can hire some help for the cleaning, shopping, and cooking if other family members won't help. This is all too much for you to be doing alone.

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score 3 · Answer 7

You have a big heart, but you are not suppose to be everyone's savior. People are taking advantage of your kindness. Boyfriend needs to be supportive and caring or he is not husband material. He does not come first. He is a grown man and should be a partner. Your son is a preteen. How does he feel about not seeing you or haing someone to talk to about growing up? I think he probably needs your time. If you have a mom and aunt, they need to be helping in the care of grandpa. Tell them you have appointments and they need to some for 4 hours several times a week. Then go and take care of you. Bless you for loving your grandpa, but he has other family members.

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score 0 · Answer 8

How do you feel, Misty?

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score 1 · Answer 9

A mother needs to make her own child a priority and you already have no time! I believe you. He is 12 years old. Is your boyfriend your son's father?

There will be a solution for you, I am sure.

You can figure this out.

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