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MBinPA Asked June 2019

Hub w/mod Alz. Neuro said he was going for inpatient PT, OT, Psych. & respite for me. He agreed temporarily. I'm guilty & relieved. Normal?

Mod Alz
left sided stroke
fall risk
high BP
3 tia’s
seizure disorder
sinus bradycardia
heart attack
diabetes
lupron injections for prostate CA
Incontinent bladder (& bowel sometimes)
hard of hearing
Uses walker for short distance & I push him in transport wheel chair.
Receives care at V.A. 65 mi away! I’m a 65 y.o. R.N. w/a terrible back. Sole caregiver until day aide started 2 mos ago for 14 hrs/wk. 2 sets of stairs going DOWN to get to car.
I’m headed towards a nervous breakdown. Crying, insomnia.
Married 42 yrs & together since I was 17 yo H.S. grad & him a 23 yo Vietnam Vet. Losing my best friend.


Facility has 196 beds for Vets only. Patients/Facility appeared very clean, however we know that’s not the entire criteria for placement. He believed he was going to the Neuro to be told he could finally drive, but I called & alerted the MD that I can’t do this anymore & I’d found a place I think would fit his needs both emotionally (terrible PTSD & crying 24/7...taking Cymbalta (w/positive results...he’d be surrounded by other Vets ) & physically (no more wallowing in bed watching TV).
Yesterday he seemed almost normal! Now I am second guessing myself.
We have 1 son & 18 m.o. granddaughter 1 hr away. Isolated in the cold snowy mts., power failures & trees fell on house 2 yrs ago! Stores 20 mins away. Very difficult to say the least. He retired in 2010 & I have held onto a grudge since then b/c he refused to move to a ranch or condo in a warmer climate.
I don’t even know how my health is b/c I haven’t had a physical in 5 yrs. Everything revolves around his physical probs...prostate cancer at 50 (surgery & failed radiation)...3 fingers reattached...bilateral knee replacement...bilateral rotator cuff repaired,tumor on appendix & abdominal infection which lead to 1/3 colon removed,along w/the ongoing health probs listed above.
I suffer from several back probs, chronic sciatica, fibromyalgia, depression, celiac disease, Grave’s disease (have nodule on thyroid...need ultrasound & bloodwork ! )
Sounds like a terrible nightmare now that I see my life written down! My friend who’s a Social Worker said,” You have NO life ! Everyday is “ Groundhog Day !!
I’ve almost finished filling out the application for the facility. He just walked into the kitchen using walker asking me to make him a scrambled egg sandwich & cup of coffee! Clear as a bell! I don’t know if it’s time yet if he’s acting like this !


:(

PandabearAUS Jul 2019
It’s time. Can’t believe you have lasted this long. Send him to care, sell the house and get your life and health back

MBinPA Jul 2019
Thanks to all you wonderful strong & wise women who replied to my post ! I felt sick that night thinking about everything & knowing you were right.It hit me like a ton of bricks.I am never getting him back.Our life together as we knew it is over.I want to scream.I am filled with sorrow.He is such a good man.I can’t believe this is happening ! What will I do without my best friend ? My heart feels so heavy & I can practically feel it beating out of my chest as I lay here in bed.Alone.He is in a hospital bed across the hall.I miss his smile & wink.He always held my hand.He is deep into watching the History channel & doesn’t even notice that I’ve said goodnight & left the room.
I have filled out the application & only have the financial page left.Then I will fax it to the MD so he can write his findings & pass it on to the Facility for approval.
Big hugs to everyone who took the time to write a message.I need affirmation that I’m doing the best thing for my husband, & me as well.

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Abby2018 Jun 2019
Finish the application. Even if his condition(s) improve tenfold (not likely) YOU NEED THIS. From the ailments you listed you are physically falling apart and need to take care of YOU before you both drown. It's long overdue. Save yourself and take as long as necessary to regain your strength.....so that you can function at a level that requires a clear head so thoughtful decisions can be made for your future. Obviously you can't continue with your impossible living situation.....and certainly sooner or later (I bet on sooner) your husband will require care beyond your capacity. Please take the hiatus and nurture yourself. Go visit your son and hold on tight to that beautiful grand baby. They have an overwhelming power to save your life......I know this to be true, because mine saved mine.

Countrymouse Jun 2019
It's time. If he has these ups from time to time, that's good. It will help him adjust much more easily, fit in to the community better, find his feet. Imagine how terrifying it would be for him to do it later when he has no such ability left. If it's going to happen, and you know it has to, then sooner is better than later.

You know that this lucidity is just a break in the clouds; and besides, how does that help your back or your stress levels?

Please keep in touch, especially when you're feeling wobbly. Hugs.

JoAnn29 Jun 2019
I think ur husband is ready. You definitely are. You just can't do it anymore. Its time for someone else to care for him.

BarbBrooklyn Jun 2019
It's time.

He has moderate dementia. Just because he's not totally out of control right now does NOT mean he's fine. It's only going to get worse.

Permanent placement is appropriate because he needs you as his advocate-- not in your grave.
hockeymom1970 Jun 2019
I agree, when my friends mom went to assisted living it was a relief for us ALL...the routine comforted her at least...

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